A Friend Loves At All Times

How do we navigate the storms of life in our marriage?

We all go through seasons where we feel distant from our mate. And it rarely, if ever make sense. Sometimes we are going through personal struggles, we are depressed, or are just plain tired. At times you may stand there scratching your head wondering, "why am I here?"

The truth is, we have to be reminded that we are all imperfect, weak and fallible human beings. We are prone to fail, stumble and make mistakes. We don't mean to but we let each other down and we hurt the ones we love. We're human.

One of the greatest challenges in any marriage is having unrealistic expectations of our mate and then dealing with our own hard heart when those expectations are unmet. A root of bitterness comes from resenting our wife or husband when they don't provide us with the love that we want. That root of bitterness, if left unchecked, will become a terminal cancer and can destroy a marriage faster than anything else. This all goes back to us basically being selfish. Are we being a giver or a taker in our marriage?

We all have needs. But true love esteems the needs of our mate above our own.

"A friend loves at all times..." (Proverbs 17:17).

Our spouse should be our best friend. We are to love our mate at all times... not just when we feel like it. Unconditional love loves the unlovable. Do you ever behave in a way that makes you unlovable? I do. In fact lately, I have been so wrapped up in my own problems and challenges that I have been moody, distant and frankly, some days, I'm having a major pity party. I wouldn't want to be around me. And it is because I have been selfish and self-focused.

 "What about me?"

Earlier this year, I had several friends who were experiencing some pretty major depression. After closely examining the issues that caused their depression, I had this statement implanted in my thoughts... "The root of all depression is an inordinate self-focus."

And that has been my problem lately—an inordinate self-focus. I have been depressed and have been depressing to be around. I have not been esteeming my wife's needs above my own. I need to get over me!

As discussed earlier this week, love is a verb—a demonstrated action, not just a feeling. And if I was truly acting like my wife's best friend, I would have been loving her at all times, not just when I felt like it. If my focus was not on my self, then I would have been focusing on her needs and would have been sensitive to what she is going through.

The best way to rid yourself of that depressing funk that comes from an inordinate self-focus is to take your mind off your self and your own circumstances, and turn your thoughts and attention first to your spouse, and then to those people around you who need your love, understanding and support.

Then, no matter how we feel, as we focus on others—esteeming their needs above our own needs, the joy of loving others unconditionally and serving them will lift the clouds of our self-focused caused depression, as we see them be blessed.

Jesus said:

"It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35)

A friend loves at all times—not just when we feel like it.

Let's put that kind of love into action today.


—God is Love and Love Never Fails.