Forsaking All Others

(Photo© Mark Faulkner)

Do you remember your wedding vows?

Many vows said at weddings today often include the phrase:

"Forsaking all others"

That phrase really stirs my heart this morning.  As a husband, is my wife the most important person in the world to me?  Absolutely!  Yes she is.

But here's what really matters...is that her experience?  

Does she really know that she is the most important person in the world to me? And most importantly, is she experiencing that from me on a daily basis?

I can say all the right words, and she may know intellectually that she is the most important person in the world to me, but if she is not experiencing that, I have failed to love her and keep my wedding vows to her.

Speaking to all fellow husbands out there today—what is your wife's countenance like lately?  Does she radiate the security, peace and joy that come from knowing that she is more important to you than anyone or anything else on this earth?

Or does she seem distant, depressed, or defensive?

A teacher I respect a great deal says it best I think, on how we treat our wives:

"The countenance on your wife's face is a direct reflection of the degree that you are—or are not loving her."

I pray those challenging words will sink down from our masculine, logical minds and resonate in our hearts.

Are you forsaking all other things, and people, that tend to come between your relationship and quality time with your wife—the woman you vowed to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, until death do you part?

Many wives today have basically become widows to their husbands jobs, interests or hobbies. Sadly, I have met too many guys who neglected their wives because they were so busy trying to be number one at work, that they never paid enough attention to their wives needs. 

They stopped noticing their wives countenance.

Their wives stopped feeling like they were the most important person in the world to their husbands a long time ago. Her love tank ran dry.  And often times, another man comes along and pays attention to a woman who has been neglected by her husband, and makes her feel pretty, special, and important.  And far too often, divorce is the result of this neglect.  And that other guy is now your (ex)-wife's new husband.

The strange thing is, none of us ever think that could happen to us.

But a national divorce rate of over 50% in America proves this to be a sad truth.

I know there are exceptions.  It takes two to make a marriage and only one to make a divorce. But often times, this is the direct result of a husband neglecting his wife, because he did not forsake all others and love his wife as he promised to do when he made his wedding vows to her.

Having been married once before and gone through (and caused) the agony and pain of divorce, I have compassion for all my divorced friends.  This post today is not intended to be insensitive to them or cause them pain.  My intent here is to try to help and encourage the married men who are struggling today in their relationships with their wives, and I pray that divorce will not be the result for any of them.

Often times, a woman who is being neglected by her husband will lash out and criticize her husband on anything from how the lawn needs mowing, to how he doesn't spend enough time helping her with the kids. But in almost all instances, when she does this, she is crying out to you: "I just want you to love me more!"

But we men usually miss the S.O.S. signal she is throwing our direction, and typically, because we hate confrontation, we retreat into our cave, or we flee altogether.  Responding in anger, or giving your wife the silent treatment in these instances is the worst thing a husband can do. The message you send your wife when you punish her with the silent treatment communicates to her, "I don't love you enough to talk about this." It tells her you don't love her enough to work on your relationship together.  And a neglected wife dies a little bit more inside, one day of neglect at a time.

Guys, if you don't already know what your wife's love language is, you need to learn it. We have to intimately study our wife, and really seek to know her, understand her emotional needs, and what is in her heart.

If you have not already read "The 5 Love Languages" by author Gary Chapman, I strongly encourage that you do so.   http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Another excellent book on marriage and relationships is "Love and Respect" by author Emerson Eggerichs.  http://loveandrespect.com/

Today, really take the time and care to observe your wife's countenance. 

Seek to know her more deeply, more intimately.  What is the condition of her heart?  Is she experiencing true peace, joy and fulfillment in her life?

If not, accept the personal responsibility for neglecting your wife, and then apologize to her.  Tell her, and most importantly, show her that she is the most important person in the world to you.

Jesus said the following on our relationship with our wives (Matthew 19:5-6):

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

A husband has the awesome responsibility to protect his marriage and guard his wife's heart.  He is to not let anything - or anyone - come between him and his wife.  Not his job, not his father or mother...not even his own children.  I know, that's a hard saying....but I'll leave you to pray about that for yourself.

Allow God to show you what your wife's countenance truly reveals regarding how much you are loving her...or failing to love her. 

And also ask Him to show you what - or who - you need to forsake in your life--be it spending so much time at work, time away hunting or fishing, working on your car, surfing the Internet, or watching sports on TV.

Starting today, take the time and care to show your wife that she is truly the most important person in this world to you.   And then watch her countenance begin change and shine before your eyes! 

I guarantee you, you will experience what Jesus said:

"It is more blessed to give than to receive"

Husbands, love your wives.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.