Unforgiveness Kills

    Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2010

Unforgiveness Kills.

How so?

“Unforgiveness is a poison we drink, hoping someone else will die.” 

To forgive or not forgive someone from our heart is a choice...always.  I'm not saying it is always easy.  Heaven knows I have struggled at times with forgiving people, all of my life.

But I have learned the hard way that my unforgiveness kills my peace and my joy.  My refusal to forgive someone keeps me focused on my self and on what that person did to me... or what I perceive that they did to me.   Unforgiveness keeps me small, petty, and selfish. Unforgiveness is ugly.

Unforgiveness kills.

I know I posted a message recently on forgiveness. So, why another so soon? you may be asking.

Because I need to be reminded to forgive people every day.  We all do.  Someone will invariably step on our toes or offend us in some way today.  Maybe it is intentional, but not usually.  But offenses certainly shall come. 

That's life.

But how we choose to respond to offenses--that says a lot about us, or what is inside of us.

One of my favorite quotes this year is:

"The trials of this life neither make us or break us—they simply reveal what is inside of us."

That profound truth has really been peeling the layers off this old onion.  And in peeling an onion, tears are involved.  When God peels back the layers of our onion-like heart, it is painful. The more He reveals what is inside of me, the more I see my desperate need to have my heart changed.  And I confess...my onion still has many more layers to come off.

In my heart I need to forgive those who have wronged me.

The root of bitterness and resentment in our hearts manifests itself in the symptom of unforgiveness. The symptom is not the root of the problem.  The bitterness we have in our hearts is the root.  

Unforgiveness is like cancer--it has to be cut out completely, or the cancer will continue to spread or come back.  Without removing cancer at its root--the cancer will kill.  Unforgiveness is exactly like cancer. But with one major difference;  cancer is not contagious--but the ugly fallout of unforgiveness certainly can be. 

When we allow the hatred of unforgiveness that is in our hearts to spew out of our mouths, it will defile all who are in our vicinity. We seem to revel in telling everyone who will listen what horrible things that person did to me!

Unforgiveness kills relationships. 

Many of us have friends in our lives who have been stuck in a self-imposed rut of bitterness and unforgiveness for years--even decades. 

One man that I know has been bitter and unforgiving of his (now re-married) ex-wife for seventeen years.   I love my friend, but it is so hard to be around him any more because the ugliness of his bitterness and unforgiveness has totally held him back from living a joy-filled life.  His self-focus and refusal to forgive his ex-wife has killed his peace, joy and any opportunity of living a life filled with purpose and loving others.  After spending a few hours with him, I feel defiled after listening to the bitterness and ugliness that comes out of his hardened heart. I have been trying to encourage him for years to forgive and move on.  To focus on loving and serving others...but he won't listen. He won't change his mind and repent of his own self-inflicted prison of unforgiveness.

And our unforgiveness truly is a prison—a self-inflicted prison.

The apostle Paul wrote:

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering;  bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful."  (Colossians 3:12-15)

For those who follow Christ, set yourself free today from your self-inflicted prison of unforgiveness. And unspeakable joy will result.

Forgiving those who wronged you does not negate what they did...but when you choose to release them from the debt of your unforgiveness, you will set yourself free. Forgiving someone is easier when we remember all that we have been forgiven of. 

Jesus said (Luke 7:46-48):

"You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil.  Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”  Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

We who have been forgiven much are to love much, and to forgive others as we have been forgiven.

Be free!

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.