A Homecoming

   

"People just need to figure it out for themselves..."

Those words are still swirling across my thoughts this morning as I muse over a steaming cup of coffee.

My daughter is visiting this week from out of state.  We were blessed to have our father/daughter lunch yesterday. In our discussion while enjoying amazing Mexican food at Pollo Rey, as we usually do, we talked about navigating life's challenges, job situations, our family's common love for Mexican food, and the need for the healing of emotions from the wounds of the past.

We both know people who are going through some truly deep water, and who are struggling.  And we both agree that sometimes, we just don't know what to say to them.  We want to help, but the right words seem elusive at times.

It's easy to see when someone (else) is choosing a path in their life that will only cause them more distress. But knowing exactly what to say to them about it, and when to speak up, is an entirely more complex and difficult proposition. And it was while we were discussing the difficulty of this that my daughter said those wise words I quoted above:

"People just need to figure it out for themselves..."

Sometimes we do need to speak up, and sometimes what we need to say to someone is not what they want to hear.  But they still need to hear it.  I can recall pivotal moments in my life when I was on a self-destructive path and someone cared enough about me to get in my face when I needed it, and shake me out of my stupor.  At the time I didn't appreciate what they had to say to me, but for the most part, in hindsight I am very thankful today that they spoke up.  I know where I would be right now if they had remained silent and if I had not heeded what they had to say.

But you have to be very sensitive in these moments to discern what to say, and at the right time.

I can recall just as many times that I felt like speaking up to someone about something and I felt a very subtle hesitation about it, and decided to remain silent.  For the most part, I am glad I kept my mouth shut at these times.

When my daughter was a teenager going through a particular rebellious season, I used the same words in pleading with her that my dad used to use with me..."Learn from my mistakes!" And I recall her saying to me, "But I need to make my own mistakes."

I know.... me too.

But there are still times when we must speak up, and if we do it in love, even though the other person may not like what we have to say, it could make the difference for them at a very crucial time.  The Bible states:

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend."

Again, I am so thankful to my true friends who spoke tough love to me at crucial times in my life, when I was apparently hell-bent on doing exactly the wrong thing.  It's funny in some of those times when we are choosing the worst possible path that we think we are doing the right thing--even justifying to ourselves and to others, that this is the "right" decision.

(*Shakes head while laughing*)

Before my daughter came to visit, I was apprehensive about what I felt I should say to her, regarding some of the life-issues that she is dealing with. I wanted to speak up about some things, but I didn't want to do so in a way that would possibly wound her sensitive heart. 

But the more we talked, and she reminded me that ultimately, at the end of the day—we all have to figure things out for ourselves, I see what an amazing woman she has grown up to be.  She has a good head on her shoulders and she is going to be okay.  I'll always be her dad, and she's still my little girl, even at 30 years of age. But she is a sensitive, very caring person, and her friends are lucky to have her in their lives. I know that she will say the right things to her friends who are hurting, and at the right time. 

Usually, it's enough to just be there for someone.  We don't always have to say a lot. But, being her dad, I still did ask about a couple of things, and still offered some gentle fatherly advice and counsel. *smile*

The love we have for each other as friends, and as family, comes from the love of Christ that has been placed in our hearts.  And it's that love that makes coming home such a wonderful thing.

I'll leave you to ruminate with me on the following lyrics from U2's song, "A Sort of Homecoming"

And you know it's time to go
Through the sleet and driving snow
Across the fields of mourning
Light in the distance

And you hunger for the time
Time to heal, desire, time
And your earth moves beneath
Your own dream landscape

And your heart beats so slow
Through the rain and fallen snow
Across the fields of mourning
Light's in the distance

Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep
For tonight, at last
I am coming home
I am coming home

--God is Love and Love Never Fails.