The Art Of Listening

Ever try to have a conversation with someone who talks at you for a long period of time, and they hardly stop to take a breath?

They ramble on and on incessantly about themselves, typically over superficial stuff that you could really care less about. And eventually, you either feel like you want to just get up and walk away, or certainly that your head will explode soon if they don't shut up.

It's no fun is it?

I've been on both sides of that conversation. And for those of you who know me, please forgive me for all the times that I have been a horrible listener.

Here's a few memorable quotes on listening that I have enjoyed over the years:

"Listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk."

"God gave you two ears and one mouth—therefore, you better use the first two at least twice as much as you're using that second one."

That's good stuff.  And profoundly true.

I learned in my sales career that if a salesman is not listening to his clients at least 70% of the time, he is talking way too much. You can't effectively build a relationship and listen to someone if you never stop talking.

The art of listening boils down to one simple concept: 

Love.

If you are blabbing on-and-on about yourself, bragging about your talents and your accomplishments, not listening to the other person, that is certainly not demonstrating love to that person.

In fact, it's about as selfish, arrogant, and self-centered as you can possibly be.

When someone else is speaking, the way you truly show them love and respect is to give them your full and undivided attention.  Maintain eye contact and let your body language show you care about what they have to say by actually appearing to be attentive and genuinely interested in hearing them. 

Slouching back in your seat, looking off to one side, texting, playing with your cell phone, or rolling your eyes and yawning--is not the way you demonstrate love and respect to the person who is speaking.

Interrupting someone when they are speaking is also not demonstrating love.

I have been in more meetings or small group situations when someone is speaking and another person cuts them off in the middle of a sentence.  That is extremely rude and very unloving and disrespectful.

When I see this happen, it makes me wonder if these people were ever taught any manners as a child.  Seriously.  Remember the Golden Rule?  "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you?" Do you like it when someone interrupts you when you are speaking?  Then stop doing it to other people. You are not on "The Apprentice" with Donald Trump.

Common courtesy ain't so common these days.

The art of listening must be lovingly demonstrated in all business or social situations, whether in large groups, one-on-one conversations, with old friends, or with new acquaintances.  If you don't show people your genuine care and respect for them by really listening to them, eventually you will have earned a well deserved reputation as a bore, and people will stop wanting to be around you altogether.

Listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk.

What that means is that truly listening to someone when they are speaking is done with an intent to truly hear and understand what that person is trying to communicate to you.  Not just listening to the words, but to seek to understand the full meaning of what the person wants to convey.  We must seek to hear a person's heart and read their body language and vocal inflection.  If we are just keeping momentarily silent, only to formulate what we want to say next, that is not listening. 

Listening with the intent to fully understand is doubly important in your marriage.

When your wife sounds like she is complaining that you don't spend enough time with her, she is not saying you are a bad man.  What she is really saying is, "I just need you to love me more." 

Are you really seeking to hear her heart in these instances?  Or are you just sitting there with the remote in your hand, continuing to watch the game on TV, letting what she says flow in one ear and right out the other?

Do you give your children your full and undivided attention when they want to talk to you?  Or do you impatiently brush them off and say, "Not now, daddy's busy!"

You need to re-think your priorities Buckwheat.

For too many people, you won't truly appreciate what you have until you lose it.

And whether that refers to your precious wife, husband, children, friends, acquaintances, or business associates; if you don't learn and practice the art of listening soon, you may well end up a very lonely person.

Meaningful relationship can only happen when we take the time and care to truly listen to each other with the intent to understand.  Be quick to love, quick to hear and slow to speak. 

James 1:19

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."

Amen.