At The Scent Of Water

    Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2010

Winter is not my favorite time of year.

Things appear to be so lifeless. Dark, rainy, cold...  

I long for those hot, breezy days on my favorite river.  I love the smell of sage brush when the fragrance is magnified by the heat.  The scent of wild roses and what smells like wild apples drifts down the canyon as the cool of the dawn burns away in the mid-morning sun.

No matter how dead the grass and trees look during the dormancy of winter, after what seems like forever, the cottonwoods finally begin to bud and tiny green blades of new grass poke up through the dry, matted lawn.  The dreary, gray blanket of winter begins to be replaced by the sunny blue skies of spring.

What season is your marriage in right now?

Are things dormant? Dreary, cold, lifeless...

You can experience the exhilarating season of spring in your marriage again.  

But first you have to break up the hard soil of your heart.  Our heart is like a garden. The soil gets compacted, hard and dry from the heat of summer.  The soil needs to be moistened and then broken up, nurtured, prepared, and  ready to receive seed.

Without the long, damp season of winter, our garden would be a parched desert.  The seasons of life are necessary.  Things have to die to bring new life. The once vibrant, green leaves of spring, eventually decay and fall to the ground.  But the soil will not be fertile again until the leaves die and nurture the soil. Our cascading rivers would not exist unless snow covers the mountains in winter, and then melt in the spring, to eventually return to the ocean where the cycle can begin all over again.

I have seen a dead garden begin to breathe new life at the scent of the rains of spring.

How often that has happened in my own heart... and in my marriage.

It has to start with my heart first.  The newness of life cannot bloom in a hard, dry desert. Seeds cannot be planted in hard pan soil.   We need brokenness. The soil needs to be plowed. 

Pray for rain.

Only the living water of God's Spirit can cause a dormant, dead or dying marriage to bud again and bring forth leaves and fruit.

Job 14:7-9

“For there is hope for a tree,
      If it is cut down, that it will sprout again,
      And that its tender shoots will not cease.

 
Though its root may grow old in the earth,
      And its stump may die in the ground,
 
Yet at the scent of water it will bud
      And bring forth branches like a plant."

The newness of life cannot bloom in a hard, dry desert. 

A marriage cannot be restored and bloom in a heart hardened by bitterness, resentment, selfishness and unforgiveness.

Only the living water of Jesus Christ can turn a barren desert of a marriage into a garden of delight. If you know the Source...ask Him for rivers of Living Water to fill your heart to overflowing. Pray for His rain.

Allow the flow of living water to moisten and soften your heart.

There is hope.


—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

A Child Is Born

    Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2010

For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved."   (John 3:16-17) 

Merry Christmas!

May the Peace, Joy and Love of the Savior overflow from our hearts as we thank God for Jesus Christ: Emmanuel--God with us.

Hallelujah!

In Everything Give Thanks

    Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2010

I am so thankful for my life.

For the wonderful wife and children God has given me.

For my entire family.

For my wonderful parents--now both Home with Jesus.

For my friends and family in Christ.

For our spiritual step sons in India.

For the home and provision God has supplied for us.

For the beauty of God's creation that He has given us to enjoy.

For the capacity to love and forgive one another--just as God Himself has loved and forgiven us.

For the trials of this life that mold and shape us.

For salvation in Jesus Christ.

For our eternal Home in glory.

For the love of Jesus Christ.

For being chosen as children of God and given an eternal destiny.

For the hope, joy and peace that is only found in Jesus.

Thank You Father in Heaven.

All praise and glory to You forever!

-Amen.

The Art Of Listening

Ever try to have a conversation with someone who talks at you for a long period of time, and they hardly stop to take a breath?

They ramble on and on incessantly about themselves, typically over superficial stuff that you could really care less about. And eventually, you either feel like you want to just get up and walk away, or certainly that your head will explode soon if they don't shut up.

It's no fun is it?

I've been on both sides of that conversation. And for those of you who know me, please forgive me for all the times that I have been a horrible listener.

Here's a few memorable quotes on listening that I have enjoyed over the years:

"Listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk."

"God gave you two ears and one mouth—therefore, you better use the first two at least twice as much as you're using that second one."

That's good stuff.  And profoundly true.

I learned in my sales career that if a salesman is not listening to his clients at least 70% of the time, he is talking way too much. You can't effectively build a relationship and listen to someone if you never stop talking.

The art of listening boils down to one simple concept: 

Love.

If you are blabbing on-and-on about yourself, bragging about your talents and your accomplishments, not listening to the other person, that is certainly not demonstrating love to that person.

In fact, it's about as selfish, arrogant, and self-centered as you can possibly be.

When someone else is speaking, the way you truly show them love and respect is to give them your full and undivided attention.  Maintain eye contact and let your body language show you care about what they have to say by actually appearing to be attentive and genuinely interested in hearing them. 

Slouching back in your seat, looking off to one side, texting, playing with your cell phone, or rolling your eyes and yawning--is not the way you demonstrate love and respect to the person who is speaking.

Interrupting someone when they are speaking is also not demonstrating love.

I have been in more meetings or small group situations when someone is speaking and another person cuts them off in the middle of a sentence.  That is extremely rude and very unloving and disrespectful.

When I see this happen, it makes me wonder if these people were ever taught any manners as a child.  Seriously.  Remember the Golden Rule?  "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you?" Do you like it when someone interrupts you when you are speaking?  Then stop doing it to other people. You are not on "The Apprentice" with Donald Trump.

Common courtesy ain't so common these days.

The art of listening must be lovingly demonstrated in all business or social situations, whether in large groups, one-on-one conversations, with old friends, or with new acquaintances.  If you don't show people your genuine care and respect for them by really listening to them, eventually you will have earned a well deserved reputation as a bore, and people will stop wanting to be around you altogether.

Listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk.

What that means is that truly listening to someone when they are speaking is done with an intent to truly hear and understand what that person is trying to communicate to you.  Not just listening to the words, but to seek to understand the full meaning of what the person wants to convey.  We must seek to hear a person's heart and read their body language and vocal inflection.  If we are just keeping momentarily silent, only to formulate what we want to say next, that is not listening. 

Listening with the intent to fully understand is doubly important in your marriage.

When your wife sounds like she is complaining that you don't spend enough time with her, she is not saying you are a bad man.  What she is really saying is, "I just need you to love me more." 

Are you really seeking to hear her heart in these instances?  Or are you just sitting there with the remote in your hand, continuing to watch the game on TV, letting what she says flow in one ear and right out the other?

Do you give your children your full and undivided attention when they want to talk to you?  Or do you impatiently brush them off and say, "Not now, daddy's busy!"

You need to re-think your priorities Buckwheat.

For too many people, you won't truly appreciate what you have until you lose it.

And whether that refers to your precious wife, husband, children, friends, acquaintances, or business associates; if you don't learn and practice the art of listening soon, you may well end up a very lonely person.

Meaningful relationship can only happen when we take the time and care to truly listen to each other with the intent to understand.  Be quick to love, quick to hear and slow to speak. 

James 1:19

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."

Amen.

Stay Loose in The Saddle

   Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2009

Amazing... how suddenly the seasons of this life can change.

I am slowly, painfully, learning to be careful of the expectations I have of people, situations, and outcomes.

In fact, the one constant is that things are constantly changing. And it is when I think I have things figured out, and I think I know what people are going to do, and how things will turn out, that the unexpected happens.

For years I have been hearing the phrase "stay loose in the saddle."  And I continue to learn why that is so true.  Things are continuously changing.  The unexpected happens.  Things don't always go according to my plan. 

The things of this life are all just seasons.  And seasons change. 

It's all about being content with how things are right now. Being thankful for the people in your life today, for the job you have, and for all the good things in your life.  Enjoy the relationships you have right now, and make the most of the time you have today.  Because you never know when things are going to change.  People move away, take new jobs, go in different directions.  I am learning to simply expect this to happen.

It is what it is.

But knowing all this, that unexpected things happen, why do I get so up-ended when things don't go how I think they will go?   Maybe it's because I am more of a control freak than I thought I was?  I don't know.

We have to let people be who they are.  The most uncomfortable situation we can put someone in is to try to force them into the mold of our expectations.  People have to choose their own path, and they may not want to take the advice we offer them.  We may think we know what is best for someone, and give them what we believe is sound advice from our 'objective' point of view.  But don't be surprised when people do the opposite. Even when we think they are making the worst possible choice, ultimately, it is their choice to make.

You can't live another person's life for them.

When you truly love someone, it's okay to let them know you don't agree with the choices they make. But let them know that even though you disagree with them, you're still going to be there for them, and nothing can ever change that.

I'm learning that following my heart is not always a good thing, because my heart can deceive me.  I need to let my mind lead my heart.  The heart wants what the heart wants, but, in my experience, that is definitely not always a good thing.  Not all the desires of my heart are pure, nor are they God's will for me.  I have to be very discerning, and ask God for His wisdom.

Proverbs 2:1-11

      "My son, if you receive my words,

      And treasure my commands within you, 

      So that you incline your ear to wisdom, 

      And apply your heart to understanding; 

      Yes, if you cry out for discernment, 

      And lift up your voice for understanding, 

      If you seek her as silver, 

      And search for her as for hidden treasures; 

      Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, 

      And find the knowledge of God. 

      For the LORD gives wisdom; 

      From His mouth come knowledge and understanding; 

      He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; 

      He is a shield to those who walk uprightly; 

      He guards the paths of justice, 

      And preserves the way of His saints. 

      Then you will understand righteousness and justice, 

      Equity and every good path. 

      When wisdom enters your heart, 

      And knowledge is pleasant to your soul, 

      Discretion will preserve you; 

      Understanding will keep you."

Ultimately, God works it all out - He works all things together for good for those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose.  Even when we choose the wrong path, God will graciously show us where we erred, and point us back to the path He has for us.  But we have to have our ears open to hear His voice, and the soil of our heart must be soft and broken up so that His seeds of wisdom may land there and take root, and bear much fruit to Him. 

Stay loose in the saddle. 

When you choose a path that God shows you was the wrong choice, turn from your error and get back on track with where He placed you.  And when someone you love does the opposite of what you recommended they do, keep loving and encouraging them.  It is when we make a poor choice and God shows us our error, that we need true friends to come alongside us and love us through the season of healing that we will need to walk through. 

It's wonderful that we don't have to walk that path alone.

A friend sticks closer than a brother.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

Forsaking All Others

(Photo© Mark Faulkner)

Do you remember your wedding vows?

Many vows said at weddings today often include the phrase:

"Forsaking all others"

That phrase really stirs my heart this morning.  As a husband, is my wife the most important person in the world to me?  Absolutely!  Yes she is.

But here's what really matters...is that her experience?  

Does she really know that she is the most important person in the world to me? And most importantly, is she experiencing that from me on a daily basis?

I can say all the right words, and she may know intellectually that she is the most important person in the world to me, but if she is not experiencing that, I have failed to love her and keep my wedding vows to her.

Speaking to all fellow husbands out there today—what is your wife's countenance like lately?  Does she radiate the security, peace and joy that come from knowing that she is more important to you than anyone or anything else on this earth?

Or does she seem distant, depressed, or defensive?

A teacher I respect a great deal says it best I think, on how we treat our wives:

"The countenance on your wife's face is a direct reflection of the degree that you are—or are not loving her."

I pray those challenging words will sink down from our masculine, logical minds and resonate in our hearts.

Are you forsaking all other things, and people, that tend to come between your relationship and quality time with your wife—the woman you vowed to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, until death do you part?

Many wives today have basically become widows to their husbands jobs, interests or hobbies. Sadly, I have met too many guys who neglected their wives because they were so busy trying to be number one at work, that they never paid enough attention to their wives needs. 

They stopped noticing their wives countenance.

Their wives stopped feeling like they were the most important person in the world to their husbands a long time ago. Her love tank ran dry.  And often times, another man comes along and pays attention to a woman who has been neglected by her husband, and makes her feel pretty, special, and important.  And far too often, divorce is the result of this neglect.  And that other guy is now your (ex)-wife's new husband.

The strange thing is, none of us ever think that could happen to us.

But a national divorce rate of over 50% in America proves this to be a sad truth.

I know there are exceptions.  It takes two to make a marriage and only one to make a divorce. But often times, this is the direct result of a husband neglecting his wife, because he did not forsake all others and love his wife as he promised to do when he made his wedding vows to her.

Having been married once before and gone through (and caused) the agony and pain of divorce, I have compassion for all my divorced friends.  This post today is not intended to be insensitive to them or cause them pain.  My intent here is to try to help and encourage the married men who are struggling today in their relationships with their wives, and I pray that divorce will not be the result for any of them.

Often times, a woman who is being neglected by her husband will lash out and criticize her husband on anything from how the lawn needs mowing, to how he doesn't spend enough time helping her with the kids. But in almost all instances, when she does this, she is crying out to you: "I just want you to love me more!"

But we men usually miss the S.O.S. signal she is throwing our direction, and typically, because we hate confrontation, we retreat into our cave, or we flee altogether.  Responding in anger, or giving your wife the silent treatment in these instances is the worst thing a husband can do. The message you send your wife when you punish her with the silent treatment communicates to her, "I don't love you enough to talk about this." It tells her you don't love her enough to work on your relationship together.  And a neglected wife dies a little bit more inside, one day of neglect at a time.

Guys, if you don't already know what your wife's love language is, you need to learn it. We have to intimately study our wife, and really seek to know her, understand her emotional needs, and what is in her heart.

If you have not already read "The 5 Love Languages" by author Gary Chapman, I strongly encourage that you do so.   http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Another excellent book on marriage and relationships is "Love and Respect" by author Emerson Eggerichs.  http://loveandrespect.com/

Today, really take the time and care to observe your wife's countenance. 

Seek to know her more deeply, more intimately.  What is the condition of her heart?  Is she experiencing true peace, joy and fulfillment in her life?

If not, accept the personal responsibility for neglecting your wife, and then apologize to her.  Tell her, and most importantly, show her that she is the most important person in the world to you.

Jesus said the following on our relationship with our wives (Matthew 19:5-6):

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

A husband has the awesome responsibility to protect his marriage and guard his wife's heart.  He is to not let anything - or anyone - come between him and his wife.  Not his job, not his father or mother...not even his own children.  I know, that's a hard saying....but I'll leave you to pray about that for yourself.

Allow God to show you what your wife's countenance truly reveals regarding how much you are loving her...or failing to love her. 

And also ask Him to show you what - or who - you need to forsake in your life--be it spending so much time at work, time away hunting or fishing, working on your car, surfing the Internet, or watching sports on TV.

Starting today, take the time and care to show your wife that she is truly the most important person in this world to you.   And then watch her countenance begin change and shine before your eyes! 

I guarantee you, you will experience what Jesus said:

"It is more blessed to give than to receive"

Husbands, love your wives.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

Break Free

Do you know what the definition of insanity is?

When something is not working—doing the same old thing, the same old way, expecting new, different and better results.

Now that's insane!

So why do we do that so often?   We keep kicking the same old 'dead horse' hoping it will budge, and then we sit around bummed out when it just lays there dead.

Speaking to myself first here, we have to step back and really take a hard look at what we are doing that is not producing the results we desire or desperately need, and honestly ask ourselves, "What do I need to do differently—starting today?"

Whether we are having difficulties in our relationships, trouble finding a job, or we need to lose a few pounds, remaining stuck in the same old rut of the status quo ain't gonna change things one whit.

Today, I am going to make a list of all the things I need to change and do differently, and then I am going to do it.

No one is going to do it for me, and I'll be darned if I am going to continue to sit around and be bummed out about it!

Am I speaking to anyone here today?

Look, I have compassion.  I know this life is hard.  But this is the life we have been given, and we have to make the most of what we have, and be thankful for it. 

For instance, in my personal 'battle of the bulge' I moaned and groaned for two years, "Lord...won't You just heal me of this and make me fit and trim again like I used to be?"

And He was silent for a long time.  And then one day I heard His still, small voice speak very clearly to my heart:

"Mark, you know what you need to do—but you're just not doing it."

Ouch.  Talk about being convicted.   All I could say was, "Yes, Lord. I know You're right."

God could just wave His hand and make every difficulty and ailment in my life vanish instantly.  But that's not the way it works.  He has set before me a life of choices, and I have to choose to do something with what He has placed before me. That's just how it is.  And remaining stuck in the ruts I get myself into is not part of His plan.

A few years ago a wise brother said the following:

"All we can do is according to the grace God has given each of us; no more and no less. If we try to do more than God has graced us to do, we are just striving.  But--make sure you max what you got."

I'm not promoting a life of always being under pressure to perform.  God is not making us jump through hoops like a bunch of circus animals.  But we all have been given talents, giftings, resources and opportunities and we have to do something with what He has set before us.   And it's not going to happen by just sitting around thinking about it all the time.

Far too often, I/we sit around and try to excuse our laziness and say, "This is all I have ever done" or, "It doesn't do any good!"  Making excuses accomplishes nothing.  We've all made mistakes, and we reap the consequences of our actions.  Sometimes we are limited due to our own consequences.  But we're not out of the game. 

The worst thing we can do is to be mad when things don't happen the way that we want them too when our difficulties are often us reaping what we have sown.  That's life. 

But we still have to move forward.

As painful as self confrontation is, it is critical to our progress in this life to make an honest assessment of our lives and identify what is not working, and why it is not working, and then make whatever changes are necessary to break through and break free of the insanity of indecision and inactivity.

We have to be willing to do today what we were not willing to do yesterday—to bring about the positive changes that we need in our lives. Fortunately, God does not call us to do anything without providing us the strength and the wisdom that we need to accomplish it. But we have to ask Him for it too.

And when He speaks a word to us, we must be doers of His word and not just hearers.  To be a hearer of His word and not a doer is to deceive ourselves.

Well, my self confrontation list is still a blank sheet of paper and it's not going to get done by itself. So I'll leave you to your own list.

Please, don't keep doing what is not working in your life.

Step back, re-group, re-evaluate yourself, and then ask God to give you the wisdom, courage and strength to change whatever needs changing.

Be willing to do today what you were not willing to do before.  Do differently whatever God shows you that you need to do. And don't put it off until tomorrow.  That will get you nowhere.

Break through and finally break free.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

Unforgiveness Kills

    Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2010

Unforgiveness Kills.

How so?

“Unforgiveness is a poison we drink, hoping someone else will die.” 

To forgive or not forgive someone from our heart is a choice...always.  I'm not saying it is always easy.  Heaven knows I have struggled at times with forgiving people, all of my life.

But I have learned the hard way that my unforgiveness kills my peace and my joy.  My refusal to forgive someone keeps me focused on my self and on what that person did to me... or what I perceive that they did to me.   Unforgiveness keeps me small, petty, and selfish. Unforgiveness is ugly.

Unforgiveness kills.

I know I posted a message recently on forgiveness. So, why another so soon? you may be asking.

Because I need to be reminded to forgive people every day.  We all do.  Someone will invariably step on our toes or offend us in some way today.  Maybe it is intentional, but not usually.  But offenses certainly shall come. 

That's life.

But how we choose to respond to offenses--that says a lot about us, or what is inside of us.

One of my favorite quotes this year is:

"The trials of this life neither make us or break us—they simply reveal what is inside of us."

That profound truth has really been peeling the layers off this old onion.  And in peeling an onion, tears are involved.  When God peels back the layers of our onion-like heart, it is painful. The more He reveals what is inside of me, the more I see my desperate need to have my heart changed.  And I confess...my onion still has many more layers to come off.

In my heart I need to forgive those who have wronged me.

The root of bitterness and resentment in our hearts manifests itself in the symptom of unforgiveness. The symptom is not the root of the problem.  The bitterness we have in our hearts is the root.  

Unforgiveness is like cancer--it has to be cut out completely, or the cancer will continue to spread or come back.  Without removing cancer at its root--the cancer will kill.  Unforgiveness is exactly like cancer. But with one major difference;  cancer is not contagious--but the ugly fallout of unforgiveness certainly can be. 

When we allow the hatred of unforgiveness that is in our hearts to spew out of our mouths, it will defile all who are in our vicinity. We seem to revel in telling everyone who will listen what horrible things that person did to me!

Unforgiveness kills relationships. 

Many of us have friends in our lives who have been stuck in a self-imposed rut of bitterness and unforgiveness for years--even decades. 

One man that I know has been bitter and unforgiving of his (now re-married) ex-wife for seventeen years.   I love my friend, but it is so hard to be around him any more because the ugliness of his bitterness and unforgiveness has totally held him back from living a joy-filled life.  His self-focus and refusal to forgive his ex-wife has killed his peace, joy and any opportunity of living a life filled with purpose and loving others.  After spending a few hours with him, I feel defiled after listening to the bitterness and ugliness that comes out of his hardened heart. I have been trying to encourage him for years to forgive and move on.  To focus on loving and serving others...but he won't listen. He won't change his mind and repent of his own self-inflicted prison of unforgiveness.

And our unforgiveness truly is a prison—a self-inflicted prison.

The apostle Paul wrote:

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering;  bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful."  (Colossians 3:12-15)

For those who follow Christ, set yourself free today from your self-inflicted prison of unforgiveness. And unspeakable joy will result.

Forgiving those who wronged you does not negate what they did...but when you choose to release them from the debt of your unforgiveness, you will set yourself free. Forgiving someone is easier when we remember all that we have been forgiven of. 

Jesus said (Luke 7:46-48):

"You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil.  Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”  Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

We who have been forgiven much are to love much, and to forgive others as we have been forgiven.

Be free!

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

Let It Flow

    Photo ©Mark Faulkner 2009

Why is the Dead Sea dead?

Because there is no outlet. No outflow.

For centuries minerals, trash, silt and all manner of unmentionable garbage flowed into the Dead Sea. To this day, the salt content is so high that it is virtually impossible for someone swimming in it to sink.  But fresh rain water also flowed into the Dead Sea.  And yet, it is still dead to this day.

All healthy bodies of water have constant fresh inflow and constant outflow.  Things are continuously moving, flushing out the pond scum and junk. The water is living water.  It cannot stagnate as long as things keep flowing.

How much more are we like a body of water.

For those who are followers of Christ, God's Word says that we have been filled with Rivers of Living Water. And that Living Water was never meant to simply collect in us and not flow freely out. But how often do we hold back the flow and keep it bottled up inside?  How often do we allow an inordinate self-focus to clog up any outlet in our hearts and not let that Living Water flow freely out on others bringing them God's refreshment, love and grace?

When we do not allow God's Living Water to flow freely out of us, things begin to stagnate, and unless we break open the flood gates of hard heartedness, selfishness and self pity, we will eventually become like a dead sea. It's kind of funny that just this week our kitchen sink clogged up and it took a lot of Liquid Plumber to help get things flowing again.  *smile*  I think God has a great sense of humor.

My heart has become pretty clogged up lately because I let the junk of this life and too much self-focus build up and stagnate in me, instead of me reaching out to other people more to encourage them.  The Living Water Christ gives by His Spirit flows into my heart constantly, but if I hold back the flow and close myself off to people in need of His love and mercy, I begin to get pretty stinky.  My heart begins to resemble the Dead Sea.

In John 7:37-38 Jesus said,

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.  He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.”

The rivers of living water that Jesus gives are meant to flow out of our hearts.

If you are feeling stagnant today—allow the Spirit of God to break open the flood gates of your heart and let the love and mercy God has given you flow freely out onto others.

Let it flow!

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

A Homecoming

   

"People just need to figure it out for themselves..."

Those words are still swirling across my thoughts this morning as I muse over a steaming cup of coffee.

My daughter is visiting this week from out of state.  We were blessed to have our father/daughter lunch yesterday. In our discussion while enjoying amazing Mexican food at Pollo Rey, as we usually do, we talked about navigating life's challenges, job situations, our family's common love for Mexican food, and the need for the healing of emotions from the wounds of the past.

We both know people who are going through some truly deep water, and who are struggling.  And we both agree that sometimes, we just don't know what to say to them.  We want to help, but the right words seem elusive at times.

It's easy to see when someone (else) is choosing a path in their life that will only cause them more distress. But knowing exactly what to say to them about it, and when to speak up, is an entirely more complex and difficult proposition. And it was while we were discussing the difficulty of this that my daughter said those wise words I quoted above:

"People just need to figure it out for themselves..."

Sometimes we do need to speak up, and sometimes what we need to say to someone is not what they want to hear.  But they still need to hear it.  I can recall pivotal moments in my life when I was on a self-destructive path and someone cared enough about me to get in my face when I needed it, and shake me out of my stupor.  At the time I didn't appreciate what they had to say to me, but for the most part, in hindsight I am very thankful today that they spoke up.  I know where I would be right now if they had remained silent and if I had not heeded what they had to say.

But you have to be very sensitive in these moments to discern what to say, and at the right time.

I can recall just as many times that I felt like speaking up to someone about something and I felt a very subtle hesitation about it, and decided to remain silent.  For the most part, I am glad I kept my mouth shut at these times.

When my daughter was a teenager going through a particular rebellious season, I used the same words in pleading with her that my dad used to use with me..."Learn from my mistakes!" And I recall her saying to me, "But I need to make my own mistakes."

I know.... me too.

But there are still times when we must speak up, and if we do it in love, even though the other person may not like what we have to say, it could make the difference for them at a very crucial time.  The Bible states:

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend."

Again, I am so thankful to my true friends who spoke tough love to me at crucial times in my life, when I was apparently hell-bent on doing exactly the wrong thing.  It's funny in some of those times when we are choosing the worst possible path that we think we are doing the right thing--even justifying to ourselves and to others, that this is the "right" decision.

(*Shakes head while laughing*)

Before my daughter came to visit, I was apprehensive about what I felt I should say to her, regarding some of the life-issues that she is dealing with. I wanted to speak up about some things, but I didn't want to do so in a way that would possibly wound her sensitive heart. 

But the more we talked, and she reminded me that ultimately, at the end of the day—we all have to figure things out for ourselves, I see what an amazing woman she has grown up to be.  She has a good head on her shoulders and she is going to be okay.  I'll always be her dad, and she's still my little girl, even at 30 years of age. But she is a sensitive, very caring person, and her friends are lucky to have her in their lives. I know that she will say the right things to her friends who are hurting, and at the right time. 

Usually, it's enough to just be there for someone.  We don't always have to say a lot. But, being her dad, I still did ask about a couple of things, and still offered some gentle fatherly advice and counsel. *smile*

The love we have for each other as friends, and as family, comes from the love of Christ that has been placed in our hearts.  And it's that love that makes coming home such a wonderful thing.

I'll leave you to ruminate with me on the following lyrics from U2's song, "A Sort of Homecoming"

And you know it's time to go
Through the sleet and driving snow
Across the fields of mourning
Light in the distance

And you hunger for the time
Time to heal, desire, time
And your earth moves beneath
Your own dream landscape

And your heart beats so slow
Through the rain and fallen snow
Across the fields of mourning
Light's in the distance

Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep
For tonight, at last
I am coming home
I am coming home

--God is Love and Love Never Fails.