The Blessing of Not Knowing Why

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

Job, a patriarch of the Old Testament, uttered these faithful words in the midst of intense suffering and searing, personal loss.

Who among us could truly proclaim our faith in this same way, in the midst of our own greatest tragedy and trials?

When the rubber meets the road, I'm still not 100% certain that I could do so, in the same way that Job did. But I want to hope that I could have this kind of unwavering faith in the midst of my darkest hour.

This last Saturday, I was blessed to go fishing with a good friend.  My friend told me about his son who is suffering through a serious, debilitating disease.  His son is apparently disillusioned and "mad at God" for letting this happen to him.

I told my friend that I have much compassion for his son, because I truly don't know what I would do if I were faced with a serious condition, such as his son is dealing with.

Funny timing.

Three days later, as I was out of town on business, I was walking into a store to see one of my customers and I had some kind of attack that felt like a brain seizure.  I can best describe the pain as like having an ice pick jabbed into my brain, but with a strong electric shock attached.  If you've ever been stung by Stinging Nettles, it felt like that, only ten times stronger, and inside of my head.

Immediately upon calling a good friend, who is an ER doctor back in Boise, I decided to get to a local hospital and into the emergency room right away.

After what felt like hours of waiting..."Trigeminal Neuralgia" was the doctor's cold diagnosis.

'Trigemi-what?'

I've never even heard of that before.

You should have seen that ER docs' face.  "Grim" can't begin to describe his expression and demeanor.

"Oh great..." I thought.

When I read the details about this disorder on Wikipedia, my heart sunk.  I would rather that doctor tell me that I had a brain tumor and have six months to live, than to be diagnosed with a painful condition that will most likely worsen and may never go away.

"Extremely debilitating" was one of the things the doctor said about my new found condition.

"Why?"

That was the question I kept asking God as I drove back to my hotel room in Pocatello.

"Why, Lord...?"

It just doesn't make sense.

After being out of work from September of 2010 to December of 2011, the Lord blessed me with a great job that everyone who knows me said is "the perfect job" for me.  I'm on the road a lot, and I love it.  I get to travel to some beautiful places, and talk to people about fishing tackle all day.  I have a very supportive boss and a freedom in my job that I have never had before.  The last six months have been an incredibly blessed time for my wife and I, and this great job that the Lord has blessed me with has been a large part of that.

But now I am faced with a debilitating condition that may render me unable to work.  Certainly, unable, in my present condition, to drive safely across three states.

"Why, Lord?"

"Why would You bless me with this great job, and then take it away just 6 months later?"

As a man, I have never felt more 'less than worthless' than when I was out of a job and unable to provide for my wife.

I know....I shouldn't jump the gun. This thing is not a done deal yet. God can heal all sickness and disease.  I absolutely know that He "can."  But the fact is, He doesn't always choose to do so. But why?

I've learned in this life, through my own personal experiences and trials, and through the trials of others, that God rarely tells us why He allows (or directly causes?) trials and situations in our lives.

You could say we're on a "need to know basis" with God.

If God wanted us to know why He does anything He would tell us.  But the truth is, "His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His ways, higher than our ways." (Isaiah 5:8-9)

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

God's purpose and reasons for doing anything are purely according to His own will and design.  And my inability to understand or know "why" does not deter Him from His divine purpose.

So how is that a "blessing?"

In the last days that Jesus was with His disciples, before He ascended back up to Heaven, He said to them:

"I still have many things to say to you—but you cannot bear them now." (John 16:12)

Looking at these precious words from our compassionate Savior, I believe that God spares us from an explanation of what He is doing, and why—because He knows that we simply couldn't handle it if we knew.

And that's the blessing.

It's because He loves us.

God, in His abundant, compassionate mercy, spares me from the worry or confusion that my little brain would suffer if I knew everything that He knew and why He does it.  I simply could not bear it right now, just as Jesus said.

And if I knew everything that God was up to I would probably mess it all up by doing my own thing and leaning to my own understanding.

"All we like sheep have gone astray—we have turned, every one of us, to his own way..."  (Isaiah 53:6)

I guess the real question for all of us here is: "Am I really going to trust God—no matter how hopeless my situation looks to me right now?"

Everything that happens to us in this life is either something that God has allowed to happen, or it is something that He directly caused to happen. He is sovereign over all creation.  He is fully in control and is seated on His throne.

I either believe that, or I don't. Friends, I choose to believe.

Maybe I don't like my current trial.  Lord knows, I certainly don't understand it.

But this I do know:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

God, in His infinite wisdom and foreknowledge, has a divine purpose in allowing me to go through this trial, and His promise to me is—He will cause it all to work together for good—because I love Him, and because I am called according to His purpose.

And in that promise and truth I must rest.  I will rest.

As Peter said:  "Lord, where else would we go?  You have the words of eternal life."

You and I are in good hands...and no one can snatch us from our Father's hand. His promise to us is—He has good thoughts and good plans for us.  He has given us a hope and a future.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate.  His love and mercy endures forever.

So, dear friends, the true blessing of God not telling us why He is allowing a great trial in our life, is because He knows that we could not bear knowing "why" right now.

That's how much He loves us.

And for that, I am eternally grateful to Him.

—Trust in the Lord.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear—but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

—God is Love, and Love Never Fails.