Unmet Expectations

"Nor is there salvation in any other..." (Acts 4:12)

Have you ever used the expression, "soul mate?"  Or, "love of my life?"

Looking closely at the picture of the divided couple above, do either of those expressions seem to accurately describe the current reality of their relationship?

I believe the majority of (not all, but many) people fall into one of two categories;

1).   You have great expectations that you will one day find that "perfect person for you" who will "complete you." One who will be "your soul mate." The "love of your life."

2).   You have unmet expectations in your relationship that have left you bewildered, wondering, "why haven't things turned out the way I thought they would? Why am I sometimes still so lonely, unhappy, and unfulfilled?"

Blaise Pascal, a famous French philosopher correctly said:

"There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ."

The reality is, we human beings try to fill up the hurting, lonely and empty spaces in our hearts with other things... with other people. With everything but God.

In my own family tree, there is a long history of medicating to numb the pain, pressures and reality of this life. Many also seek peace and tranquility in escaping to the wilderness. But I've tried that for years, and no lasting peace or tranquility is to be found out there.

Since the dawn of civilization people have sought out love and fulfillment in jumping from one sexual relationship to the next. But our hearts and still left empty, aching, and alone.

Even for those who publicly tell others they have been happily married for years, if we're being completely honest, will privately wonder why things really haven't fully turned out as we'd once hoped they would.

Over the many years and seasons of singleness, separation and marriage, through countless hours of reading and studying endless books about relationships, feelings and emotions, and from talking to many people about this topic, the truth I've learned is, we can never find true, lasting peace, joy, and fulfillment, in seeking our validation in and from other people.

And yet, I'd dare say that we all do this, every day of our lives. Oh, maybe not knowingly or intentionally. But in one way or another, we tend to put another person—either a person present in our life, or someone hoped for in our future—on a pedestal, placing all our hopes upon them, to make us feel happy, fulfilled and validated.

However, in so doing, we have set them up for certain failure. Because no one, not any other human being, can fill that God-shaped vacuum in our hearts, that only God in the Person of Jesus Christ can fill.

What we don't realize, is that when we put another human being on that pedestal—on the throne of our heart that only God rightfully deserves to inhabit—we have made him or her an idol. We will never be at peace or fulfilled without having first placed our entire heart fully in God's hands.

And after living a life of one unmet expectation after another, we become bitter, resentful and cynical.

Earlier in my life, my cynical mantra was, "Don't expect too much, you'll just be disappointed!"

And that was from a life of placing all my expectations on other people for what they should be, for me. It was all about me.

In marriage, we should always place the needs of our spouse above our own needs. And if both husband and wife are doing this unselfishly out of unconditional love, you have the makings of a pretty good marriage.

However, some have hardened their hearts and say, "Well, since I can't fully meet all of his/her needs anyway, then why should I even try! It's not my responsibility! They should just look to God to meet their needs!" And in so doing, many a heartless man or woman have neglected their spouse, causing a lot of pain, heartache and lonliness.

God made the purpose for marriage very clear when He created Eve as a wife for Adam. Do you know what that purpose was?

Companionship. 

He said,

"It is not good for the man to be alone." (See Genesis 2:18)

But God created us first and foremost for Himself; for His good pleasure. And we are not to put any other human being, not even our own spouse of children before God. He says to do so is idolatry.

The first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your mind, and with all of your strength. (See Mark 12:30) Then, the second commandment is to love others as yourself.

The Lord Jesus is God, and God is Love. He is the only Way, the Truth and the Life. Peace and rest for our weary and thirsty souls can only be found in Him.

Jesus said:

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

He is the only source of true peace, joy, happiness, validation and fulfillment.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.