What are your priorities in your marriage?
Or rather, who is your priority?
For many, our priority is ourselves. We seek after personal satisfaction and fulfillment in marriage, always trying to get what we want out of the relationship.
We tend to be takers more than givers.
Many people today think that the secret of having a good marriage is about "finding the right person."
While it's true that your marriage likely won't succeed if you are with someone who really is the 'wrong' person, the truth is, having a good marriage is much more about being the right person.
How can we do that?
First, the question needs to be asked, "What are you seeking?"
If your main focus is having all of your needs met by your wife or husband, then you are in for major disappointment. And that is because you are looking to another imperfect human being to do and be everything that you need them to be in your life for you to be happy.
No human being can possibly fulfill that role.
If you profess to be a follower of Christ, is He your number one priority in life?
Closely examine the triangle diagram above. God is at the top.
As we seek Him first, and the closer we get to Him, the closer we will grow together in our marriage.
However, in many marriages we tend to put our spouse at the top, and we seek them first, and place God off to one side... only seeking Him when things in our life fall apart.
This a recipe for failure.
Because when we place our spouse over God at the top of our list of priorities, we in effect make them an idol—which is anything or anyone that becomes more important to us than God.
Don't get me wrong, my wife is a wonderful gift from God and I am thankful to Him every day for placing her in my life, to love her and serve her. But if I am seeking her first as my primary source of happiness and fulfillment, while demoting God to a lesser place in my heart, then I am guilty of making my wife and marriage an idol.
A timely passage from the Bible that my wife and I are both reading right now is from the book of Revelation, chapter 2, verses 1-4:
"These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lamp stands: “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you... you have left your first love."
Jesus Himself spoke these words to a church who was doing all the right things; patiently laboring to be good Christians. But He said they have "left their first love." They put religious duty, identifying apostates and righteous living above a loving, personal relationship with Jesus.
Notice it doesn't say they lost their first love.
No, they left their first love.
When Jesus willingly went to die on a cross to save us, His primary goal was to restore us to a relationship with God. He loves us and desires that we love Him and always place Him first in our hearts.
However, so often we place other people, such as our spouse, above Him by looking to them first for our happiness and fulfillment instead of surrendering all of our needs and desires to Christ. He alone can fill the empty spaces in our hearts that we look to others to fill who cannot possibly meet that expectation.
Looking again at the triangle diagram, as we seek first Jesus and a closer, spiritually intimate relationship with Him, the closer we will be to Him, and then the closer we will be with our spouse. Because as we grow closer to God, loving Him and seeking His heart, the more He will change us to have His heart, and in so doing we become more and more the right person for our spouse.
The longer that I am with my wife, and God matures her spiritually as she seeks to love Him and desires His presence and leading in her life, the more I see Jesus in her. God demonstrates His love and goodness to me through my wife.
Do you want a closer and more loving marriage?
Then seek and draw near to Jesus as your First Love.
And as you love Him and spend time with Him, taking on more of His character, the more you will become the right person, and your spouse will desire to be closer to you because they see more of Jesus in you.
There is nothing more wonderful than when husband and wife are seeking Jesus first together as their First Love. The Bible illustrates this kind of marriage with Christ as the center as a 'threefold cord that is not quickly or easily broken.'
Make note that it doesn't say the threefold cord cannot be broken.
It says it is not easily broken.
This threefold marriage relationship can be broken... if we choose to leave Jesus, our First Love, and place all of our need for love and fulfillment in our spouse, or in something or someone else.
If you have left your First Love... return to Him and make Him first in your heart. Jesus alone deserves all of our heart, our worship, and our love.
And as you and your spouse seek Him first together as your First Love, the closer you will become to each other.
Guaranteed.
—God is Love and Love Never Fails.
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