Our Story

Here is how our story began...

On the last day of high school, I sat next to this beautiful girl with the most amazing smile and sparkling eyes that I had ever seen... 

I was smitten.

We knew each other only casually at school, and she always smiled at me and we said "hi" as we passed each other in the hall between classes.  I had always wanted to talk to her more, but I was super shy.

We didn't see each other after graduation until about six years later, when we were each out with a friend and 'happened' to bump into each other at a local venue that had music and dancing.  We danced and laughed and really connected that night.  We ended up talking in her car and watched the sun come up together.

Something magical happened that night.

Fast forward a year or so.  We had dated and experienced both exhilarating and tumultuous times together, even breaking up and then getting back together.  We were both very passionate, head-strong people who loved life and wanted to be together, but wanted our independence as well.  Eventually we decided to move in together, and after asking her to marry me four times, she finally said "yes" and we got married at a justice of the peace.

And so we began our life together—husband and wife.

We were so in love. Nothing could phase us. We were unstoppable.  Being a newlywed surpassed my wildest expectations.  I had never felt this way before, and never had someone who I loved so much, or who loved me like she did.  We were confident that we would be this way forever—head over heels in love with each other.

The 'honeymoon' started to fade about six months later. 

The two love birds who were inseparable were now arguing and there was a lot of tension between us.  I was dumb founded. Our marriage became a wild roller coaster ride.  One minute it was loving, passionate and close.  The next, we were screaming at each other, both wondering why we ever got married in the first place?

How could this be happening?

Then I started to discover that most of the married people that we knew were more or less on this same kind of marriage roller coaster.  I never dreamed this would happen with us.  I was very bewildered by it all. But we loved each other and were committed to working on our issues.  But communicating was so hard. 

What were we doing wrong?

All my life I had been a 'people pleaser' and because I loved my wife I was always doing nice things for her.  At the time I truly thought I was doing these things unconditionally because I loved my wife and wanted to please her. But I learned much later on about myself that I always had selfish expectations when I did 'nice things' for my wife, and it was not unconditional. 

I always had a selfish agenda.

As the next couple of years passed, we became more at odds with each other. We couldn't effectively communicate.  There were misunderstandings daily.  We were both very disillusioned with the marriage.

We headed down that path that so many couples go down... having thoughts of ending the marriage.  We tried to fill up the empty places in our hearts by buying a big new house and filling it with stuff to cover the pain and heartache of a dying marriage.  But the newness of the material stuff faded quickly and we were failing miserably in our marriage.

Was this marriage really going to end?  Was there any hope for us?

I wish I could say that after this things really started to get better.  But they only got worse. 

Much worse.

About this time I was starting to lose hope that our marriage would ever improve, and in the midst of this extremely difficult period, my father passed away.  It's an understatement to say that I 'went south.'

Seemingly by 'accident' I began a friendship with a woman that I worked with.  It all seemed very innocent at the time but it soon led to my beginning an adulterous relationship with this other woman.  I decided to move out of our home and thus began a nearly decade-long period of seven separations and two divorce proceedings between my wife and I.  

We would get back together and things seemed fine at first, but then quickly went back to the crazy roller coaster that they were before.  I was trying to force my wife to change to how I wanted her to be, and when she refused, I would place ultimatums on her, and then leave again when she didn't do what I wanted her to do.   I soon discovered that no one could force my wife to do anything that she didn't want to do. 

The truth is, I never stopped being in love with my wife.  But things were just not 'working out.'   We thought we were trying, but we were both only wanting to get our own way.  There was no 'unconditional' love.  Everything was absolutely conditional. 

We were 'me-monsters'—totally selfish and self-serving—especially me.

At our final separation in the late 1990's, it was on a cold Autumn evening that it finally hit me..."this is a done deal.  there is no going back.  It's over."  I had a full-on panic attack.  I had never had one before and it was freaky. 

The cold hard reality of the consequences of my selfishness and infidelity had hit me like a freight train. I didn't feel like I had the will to live any longer.  It was the first time in my life that I truly felt absolutely hopeless.  I felt totally lost and alone.

During this period of my life my mom had invited me to come to her church...but  I was very hesitant. 

I was glad for her that she "found something that worked for her."  But I certainly "didn't need that."  However, I couldn't escape the hard reality of my messed up life and failed marriage.  As much as I tried, I could not fix my marriage and solve my issues. The emptiness inside of me—the fact that there was something missing in my life—was always right there to remind me every day.

I ended up going on a month-long trip to England with a couple of friends, and I went halfway around the world trying to 'find myself.'  But when I found myself, I didn't like what I found.  I saw just how selfish, and hurtful and unfaithful I had been to my wife and that I alone was responsible for all my failures.

So I left my friends in Ireland a week early, and came back home and broke off the relationship with the other woman.

It was during this time that  my mom invited me to a weely bible study that they had at her church. They were teaching about "Jesus, the Son of God" who was asking men to "Follow Me" and they were walking away from their boats and nets and they followed Him.  I came to know Jesus Christ as my Savior through Him revealing Himself to me in the Gospels.

I learned that only God could truly solve my problems or change my heart. 

And I also discovered that only God could change my wife's heart.

I asked my wife for forgiveness, and told her how Jesus Christ revealed Himself to me, and how He was changing me.  

But talk can be cheap, and after so many years of a broken marriage and an unfaithful husband, my wife had no basis whatsoever to trust me or believe anything that I said. But over the next few months she saw a real change in me.  My heart had changed and my actions proved it. I was a different man.

My wife started to go to church with me and she soon accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior too. As we began our new spiritual journey together, we had no way of knowing then just how many more difficult bumps and forks in the road that we would experience together in the long process of walking with Jesus Christ.  I am a slow learner and I messed up a lot of times after this. 

But God has been patient and faithful to change us and to help us to continue to forgive each other and love each other unconditionally.  But it is a life-long process.  This side of Heaven, no one will be perfect and we all stumble and make mistakes and choose poorly at times.  Thank God for His amazing grace toward us!

It is amazing to me today, to look at how much my wife and I are in love, and that we are even still married!  Just when I think that our marriage can't possibly get any better, it gets better!  I am reminded again today of one of the things my Mom used to say to me when she was still alive. 

She said,

"Mark, there's one thing I know for sure, and that is that God changed my heart and that was something that I never could do for myself."

And I can truly give that same testimony. 

God changed our hearts and my wife and I both know that this was something that we never could do for ourselves.  We tried for years, and we only made things worse.  It is your choice to believe that or not.  But we have personally experienced God truly moving in our hearts and changing our lives.  And many of our relatives and friends who have known us for years know what our marriage was like before, and how we were separated and headed for divorce court many times.  They have lived through that period with us and they see how different we truly are today.

I have been given so much hope because if God can heal and save a broken hopeless marriage like mine, then He can save anyone's marriage who will surrender it to Him and be willing to change and do it God's way.

And that is not just religious talk.  It is the truth, and we have personally experienced it first-hand.

If your marriage seems hopeless and impossible, remember, with God all things are possible—for those who will choose to surrender their hearts and their hurts to the One who is mighty to save.

No matter what you've done, no matter how far you think you've fallen...

—There is always hope in Christ.

—God is Love, and Love Never Fails.