"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:25)
Back in the early 1970's, I was an awkward seventh grader growing up in small town southern Oregon. What I loved most in life was fishing, camping and hunting. The outdoors. My Dad taught me to love it from my earliest memories.
One weekend while Dad was out on one of his regular fishing/camping outings, I was grounded from all fishing because I was basically flunking out of junior high. I understood that it was my fault, and not Dad's. But I was still deeply hurt by this.
Even though I was grounded from fishing, Dad never said anything about spending the night at a friend's house. So that Friday evening I asked my Mom if it would be okay if I went across the street to spend the night at my friend Tim's house. Her response totally upended me.
She started crying and said, "I'm about ready to leave you and that daddy of yours if you don't just stay home!"
This was a life changing, earth shattering moment for me. My parents had never had a single argument on front of me all my life. Our home life seemed to me, to be perfect and ideal. Always very close and loving. We kids were definitely brats. But my parents marriage was solid. Never a question about that in my mind.
The rest of the weekend I pretty much stayed hunkered downstairs in my room. Shell-shocked. Not sure what to do or say. But I was as nice and helpful to my Mom as I could possibly be. When my Dad got home on Sunday afternoon, I pulled him aside and told him what happened. He was speechless, but he thanked me for letting him know.
My folks worked things out, and my Dad mended his ways and didn't go hunting or fishing every weekend after that. He realized that his life was way out of balance and he wasn't putting his wife first, above his own interests. The term "Deer Widows" is aptly named. Many wives feel abandoned once hunting season starts.
This is very common in marriages.
Bottom line—selfishness is the #1 killer of relationships.
I've never forgotten the fear and heartache of that moment my Mom said she was about ready to leave me and my Dad if we didn't stay home more. It's a lesson I have tried to carry with me throughout my life as a husband. I haven't always succeeded. But I will never forget that moment.
What's your first love?
Obviously, for the follower of Christ—He should always be our first love.
But our wives better be a close second.
Every guy has something that consumes his life as a passion; hunting, fishing, football, baseball, motorcycles, fast cars, golf, flying airplanes, making money, etc. For some it's other women or pornography. I can't begin to tell you just how destructive this is to your marriage, family, and even your own soul.
My passion for many years was fly fishing. One year I think I went fishing 55 times. A friend told me "You fish too much!" And that summer my wife certainly let me know she felt pretty abandoned. I wounded her heart and spirit. I had forgotten the hard lesson I learned from my Dad's marital sins.
One of the most common wedding vows is "Forsaking all others..."
Guys, do you forsake all other people and interests and put your wife first in all ways? That is what we are commanded to do. Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the
church and gave Himself for her.”
What does that mean—"and gave Himself for her?"
He died for her.
And that is what God commands us as husbands to do for our own wives—His daughters by the way.
Die to self.
Die to our selfishness and self-will. Die to putting ourselves first. Die to treating her like a sex object and our personal servant and maid.
"Take up your cross and follow Me"—is what Jesus commands us to do.
He carried that heavy, blood-stained cross up the long hill climb through the city of Jerusalem for one cause: To die for His love—His Bride—the Church.
"There is no greater love than this, than a man would lay down his life for his friends." —Jesus
—God is Love and Love Never Fails
