Deal With It

"Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray." (Proverbs 10:17)

Everyone has at least one proverbial elephant in the room.

You know... that issue in your life that you refuse to deal with, that will not go away by itself.

Many of us have more like an entire herd of elephants in the room. And some of them are old, wrinkled elephants that have been there for years. We just don't want to deal with our issues and move on with life. It seems easier to just sweep our problems under the rug where we don't have to face them every day.

How's that working for you?

This issue of not dealing with problems affects all people; young and old, married, single, divorced, separated, etc.

And I find that the older I get, the longer I refuse to deal with my elephant in the room, the harder it gets to face up to it, and so I keep on trying to pretend it's not there.

But an elephant never forgets.

That old issue will continue to surface at the most inconvenient times, when you thought you had buried it for good. And it will keep on haunting you, rearing its ugly head, keeping you bound, holding you back.

You have to deal with it.

My mom used to say we have to be peace makers and not just peace keepers. 

Peace keepers sweep problems under the rug and avoid confrontation, thinking that will make for a peaceful home. But the problem with that method is that those problems you avoided will only grow and fester and irritate and inflame until the pressure gets so great that it all explodes in mass family drama.

Being a peace maker means confronting issues.

You have to talk about that elephant in the room that you've been ignoring.

And when you confront a difficult issue, no matter how careful and sensitive and diplomatic you try to go about it, its going to be painful. Its going to make some waves. But you have to deal with it. 

Jesus said:

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." (Matthew 5:9)

The normal tendency of people in dealing with 'issues' is to confront other people about them, thinking that the "problem" is with the other person...

Ha.

I would highly recommend that before you confront someone else thinking that they are the problem, or cause of your issue, that you get really honest with God, and with yourself, and first examine your own heart. 

What is it about you; about your behavior, your refusal to yield, your refusal to forgive, that might be causing or contributing to this issue or situation?

Do not get caught up in the Blame Game. If you are bitter, blaming others for all of your problems, take that load of junk, put it in a bag, and take it to the street!

Almost always, if we're being honest, God will show us that we are 99% of the problem—not the other person. 

And I can say this truthfully, about myself, from twenty seven years of being married to my wife. Even though it "takes two"... I am responsible for most of our problems and issues. Not 100%. But in the high 90% for sure.

It's because I didn't follow the imperative of Love:

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, is not self-seeking, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:1-7)

Love is not self-seeking.

Love has no personal agendas. Love does not seek to better itself at the expense of another person. Love does not look out for number one. Love is others focused, not self-focused. Love seeks the good of others, and not just its own good. Love does not have to be right all the time. Love says, "I'm sorry, I was wrong." Love forgives. Love sacrifices. Love serves. Love gives. 

Self confrontation is always the best, first step.

And yes. There is definitely a time when you must confront another person about an unresolved issue.

But from what I have learned and experienced, the elephant in the room that must be confronted and dealt with... is usually me.

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

Blessings in Christ.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails