Unconditional Love

"Love suffers long and is kind." (1 Corinthians 13:4)

"Beloved."

That was the single word my Mom had inscribed on my Dad's memorial stone, just below his name, and the year of his birth and death.

She spoke of the unconditional love one has for her beloved; 

"A love given, not sought." 

That's a challenging concept for most of us.

Our self-absorbed world is flooded with self-help books, with self-focused tiles such as, "Getting The Love That You Want." And so it's foreign to most, to hear someone speak of true unconditional love.

Let's face it, for most of us, our love is conditional. 

"I'll love you as long as you meet all my needs and give me what I want."

"Me, Me, Me!" It's all about me.

The following verses from the Love Chapter; 1 Corinthians 13, help to define unconditional love:

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (Verses 4-7)

For me, some of the stand outs on unconditional love in these verses are:

• Love suffers long and is kind.
• Love does not seek its own.
• Love thinks no evil.
• Love endures all things.

Love suffers long and is kind. If you truly love someone, you are long-suffering and kind to them, even when it's not reciprocated. Unconditional love is rarely convenient. Love suffers through times of stress, strife, and those empty seasons when you feel your beloved is distant. But you may not know all that he or she is going through. Have grace for them, because you have not walked in their shoes. You don't know exactly what they are feeling. Show God's mercy and compassion for them always.

Love is not self-seeking. Your desire should be to give more than to receive. Your heart wants to do all you can to meet your beloved's needs, instead of always looking to have your own needs met. Having strict and lofty expectations of your beloved is not love. Love does not create a mould of unrealistic expectations and then try to force your spouse to fit into it. Love esteems the needs of your beloved above your own needs. A self-seeking person always feels dissatisfied and disappointed because your mate can never live up to your selfish list of impossible expectations. It's all about "you" and that's not unconditional love.

Love thinks no evil. When your beloved is angry, and shouting, it's not because they are a bad person. They may just be going through a difficult time and they're on emotional overload. When they stumble and backslide, it's not because they are "evil." The flesh is weak. We all stumble and make mistakes. The truth is, we all have a dual nature: we live in fleshly, fallen bodies, and our old sinful flesh is ever-present. Where do you think all of your own bad thoughts, lust, and hatred for people comes from? Our spirit has been born again, and made new. But nothing good resides in our flesh. What did the Apostle Paul, great man of faith, say about himself?

"For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:15-25)

Paul also said, "Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh." (2 Corinthians 5:16)

When your beloved stumbles and sins, pray for them. Love them. Encourage them. Be patient with them. We're all struggling with the flesh. It's a constant battle. Don't accuse them of being an evil person. We are all under constant attack from an unseen Enemy, who only comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy. (John 10:10). We need to show constant grace to one another.

But also consider, are there ways that you are contributing to your spouse's angst, and you need to repent of these? It is said that the countenance of a man's wife, is a direct reflection of how well he is loving her, (or not).

Remember guys: without love, a woman reacts without respect. And ladies: without respect, a man reacts without love. For more on this, please read, "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs.

Loves endures all things. You may have areas of your life, marriage, or relationships, that have never lived to up to all that you had hoped they might one day become. I think most people could probably testify to this. But think about why God placed you here, in this life. Why He brought you together with the husband or wife that you now have. When we get out of the "It's all about Me" mindset, and look at the bigger picture, I think we will begin to see that God placed us here for His purposes, and to fulfill His will. When we begin to get an eternal perspective, it becomes less about "How is my spouse treating me? and it becomes more about, "How can I bless and serve God's own daughter or son."

In eternity, my wife is going to be my sister in Christ. Once we leave this earth we are no longer husband and wife. She does not belong to me. She belongs to God. And He has given me this amazing privilege and calling of serving His own precious daughter. Once this was revealed to me, it changed my whole perspective on marriage.

When I stand before the Lord at the Judgment Seat of Christ, as a son of God, I will give an account to Jesus, of how well I loved and served His daughter while I was on the earth. How did I treat her? Did I do right by her, by obeying what His Word says about how I am to treat her as my wife?

The Bible says I am to esteem her needs above my own, and to prefer her and honor her. To love her as Christ loved the Church. To protect, provide for, and serve her. To pray for her, listen to her, and dwell with her with understanding. To be patient. To not be bitter towards her. To forgive. To show mercy.

And to not regard her according to the flesh any longer. We are to regard one another according to the finished person that God made each of us to ultimately be. Not according to the imperfect, struggling person, who is currently weak in the flesh, and who sometimes stumbles and falls. But to do this, we must be long-suffering, kind, and endure all things.

We will disappoint each other in this life. None of us can ever live up to peoples impossible human expectations. We will make mistakes. We will stumble. We will fall. But love endures all things.

Jesus said:

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." (John 15:13)

Jesus calls us friends and He laid down His very life for us.

And He said, "Love one another as I have loved you."

Sacrificial love.

This is unconditional love.

—God is love and Love Never Fails.

Running On Empty

“This is the rest with which You may cause the weary to rest,” and, “This is the refreshing”—yet they would not hear." (Isaiah 28:12)

I used to have a personal policy to never let the gas gauge in my car get below half full. That way, I would never risk running out of gas.

Sounds pretty smart, right?

So why do I sometimes wait and let my spiritual gas gauge get all the way down to "E", until the yellow "empty tank" indicator comes on? 

Do you ever do that too? Let yourself get so run down—so spiritually, emotionally, and physically depleted—that you're frazzled, weary, not sleeping well, stressed out to the max, ineffective, grumpy, and snapping at the people around you?

This is not a recipe for a spiritually vibrant, joyful, and productive life.

The Promise of Rest

“Therefore, since a promise remains of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you seem to have come short of it. For indeed the gospel was preached to us as well as to them; but the word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in those who heard it. For we who have believed do enter that rest…”

“Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts.”

"There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works, as God did from His.” (Hebrews chapter 4)

God calls us to stop doing things in our own strength—to cease from our own works, and to rest in the finished work Jesus Christ already performed on the Cross. It's called Grace. By bridging the sin-gap between God and man, Jesus removed all barriers between God and us. We, as children of God, now have full access to God as our Father, 24/7. 

And yet, it seems most of us will only cry out to God and drop to our knees in prayer when everything in our life hits the fan—when we reach a point of desperation from working ourselves to exhaustion and frustration. We drive till we're empty. 

We let our tank go dry. 

Instead, wouldn't it be better to choose to draw near to God on a daily basis, spending time with Him, topping off our spiritual tank to the point of overflowing?, therefore, never reaching the point of emptiness?

A favorite verse of mine, and that of a dear friend, is John 7:37-38. Jesus said:

“Let anyone who is thirsty come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.”

The key is... whoever is thirsty—let him willingly choose to come to Jesus and drink.

Drawing near to Jesus is a choice.

It's your choice.

Jesus is the Fountain of Living Waters. (See Jeremiah 2:13)

If you had been wandering in a scorching hot desert for weeks, parched and dying of thirst, and you came upon a fountain of cool, fresh, spring water, what would you do? Would you sit by and wait until someone asked you if you were thirsty? Or would you immediately dive into the fountain and drink till you had fully satisfied your thirst?

I would dive right in with reckless abandon.

That's what Jesus is calling you to do today, thirsty friend.

Jesus said: "Let him come to Me..."

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8).

It's an invitation, but you have to freely accept the invitation and then draw near to Him.

Jesus said:

“You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me—but you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.” (John 5:39-40)

This is why many people run dry. They are not willing to come to Jesus that they may have the abundant life He promises.

Who knows for what reasons people choose not to draw near. 

Maybe they are too busy? Maybe things seems to be going so well and they don't really see their need to draw near to God today?  

But either way, you're making a choice. You make the choice to draw near to God. Or you make the choice to not draw near to Him.

God said this to His people through the Prophet Isaiah:

“This is the rest with which You may cause the weary to rest,” and, “This is the refreshing”—yet they would not hear."

God was offering His people rest and times of refreshing, and yet they would not listen and enter in.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29) 

Today you can choose to freely enter into God's presence by coming to Jesus and praising Him for who He is, and thanking Him for what He's done for you. By thanking Him for the love and sacrifice of the Cross. Spend some time in a quiet place, with no distractions, talking to Him, listening for His still, small voice in your heart. Read a portion of the Bible and ask Him for understanding of what you've read, and quietly meditate on the wonderful truths of the revelation of scripture. And then ask Him for the needs you have, and for the needs of others. Times of refreshing come from the presence of the Lord.

Think of how different your life would be, if you spent time every day drawing near to God as I've described here.

Your spiritual tank would constantly be full—to the point of overflowing—with rivers of living water flowing out of your heart.

And if rivers of God's living water were constantly flowing out of your heart, think of how it would bless all those around you?

Your life, and their lives, would never be the same.

—God is Love and Love never Fails.

Have It Yahweh

"Thus says the LORD: "I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved Me and followed Me through the wilderness..." (Jeremiah 2:1-2)

The Prophet Jeremiah, was a heartbroken prophet, with a heartbreaking message.

Israel was called the "wife of Jehovah", and had once loved the Lord in her youth. But she had played the harlot and had forsaken her Husband and had gone after other gods; making lifeless idols for herself. She had become an idolater. She had forsaken her Lord.

God said of His adulterous wife: 

“For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water." (Jeremiah 2:13)

The honeymoon stage of a marriage is pretty rapturous and amazing. You spend every waking moment trying to please your spouse. You want to be with them every second of the day.

But as the years go by, many people begin to take their mate for granted. The once blissful honeymoon period is over, and you start to focus more on your own selfish needs and interests, and forsake those of your husband or wife. Some even betray their spouse by looking to other lovers to fulfill their selfish wants. This is exactly what Israel did to God, her Husband.

Through the prophet Jeremiah, God kept calling His bride to turn back. But she would not. 

But, The Lord, rich in mercy, kept calling His adulterous wife to return to Him:

“Return, O backsliding children,” says the Lord; “for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion. And I will give you shepherds according to My heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding." (Jeremiah 3:14)

At the last chapter of the book of Jeremiah, is a tragic ending, for a stiff-necked people, who would not repent and turn back to the Lord. Israel was taken captive to Babylon, spiritually which, symbolizes the fallen world system in the New Testament. (See Revelation chapters 14 and 18).

God's people had fallen away from Him, and had been taken captive, giving themselves over to idolatry, loving the things of this world system, more than loving God.

And isn't that exactly what's happening today? 

Folks today go to church with a consumer mindset-Burger King mentality: "Have it your way."

They get upset if the worship songs played don't appeal to them. They don't like the way the pastor preached a message. They write an anonymous complaint on a suggestion slip because they don't like the way the worship leader sings. The sermon was too long. Etc.

And people don't want to live according to God's Word. As the Apostle Paul warned, they won't endure sound doctrine:

"For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables." (2 Timothy 4:3-4)

Society today is predominantly self-focused and self-absorbed. And so much of that mindset has crept into the church. People want to be catered to, pampered, and have everything their way. 

In Jeremiah's day, God's people turned their hearts away from Him, and from His commandment to live according to His Word. Instead, they substituted man-made things to take the place of God in their lives. They refused to do things God's way, and wanted to have everything their way. They were self-absorbed and self-focused.

Sound familiar?

God's kingdom is not like Burger King. 

It's not about you. It's about Him. You can't have it your way.

Have it His way.

—Have it Yahweh.

Jesus—the Fountain of Living Waters—said:

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment." (Mark 12:30)

God is Love and Love Never Fails.

Malcontent In The Middle

“For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful…” (2 Timothy 3:2)

Do you know anyone who is always unhappy, always complaining, moaning and groaning about this, or that?

They are a drag to be around for sure.

We'll name this complainer, "Malcontent in the Middle."

Malcontent is always blaming others for his problems. It's the government's fault. It's his boss's fault. It's his wife's fault. It's his parent's fault. It's always someone else's fault.

Malcontent is never thankful for anything. His life would be better if he had a better job or better working conditions. He would be happier if he had more money. Happier if he could finally get the recognition at work that he deserves. Happier if his kids were better behaved. Happier if he had more friends. Happier if his wife treated him better.

Never happy, never thankful, never content with anything.

Sound like anyone you know?

If you are a Mr, Miss, or Mrs. Malcontent, the only thing that stands between your peace, joy, and a closer relationship with God, is you... Malcontent in the Middle.

“Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe His word, but complained in their tents, and did not heed the voice of the Lord.” (Psalm 106:24-25)

Malcontent only focuses on what he or she does not have, instead of what they do have. Looking at what's wrong in their life, instead of what is good and pleasant. Always negative, always complaining, not believing the Lord, or heeding His voice.

Unthankful.

Malcontent says "I'm unhappy and complaining all the time because my life sucks!"  Not realizing that his or her life sucks because he or she is unhappy and complaining all the time.

Here is what the apostles who greatly suffered in trials said:

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” (James 1:2-3)

God has a purpose is allowing you to go through difficult times. He is testing your faith, to produce patience and endurance in you.

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 1:6-7)

When you endure trials patiently, and you rejoice and thank God for your fiery trials, it will be to your honor when Jesus comes in His glory to receive you to Himself. But most of all, your trusting in Jesus Christ, will be to the praise of His glory. 

Paul the apostle said:

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

Paul learned that the secret to being content, no matter what his circumstances were, was to be thankful to God for all things, and to look to Him, trusting Him for his strength and to meet his needs.

The bottom line is, I have to choose to trust God to manage my life—no matter what. And then be thankful and content in whatever circumstances I am in. 

God is sovereign over all things. And absolutely nothing happens unless He either directly causes it to happen, or He allows it to happen.

So, you can choose to learn Paul's secret to being content, by trusting in God no matter what comes; and be thankful to Him for everything.

Or, you can continue as that unthankful complainer. But by doing so, you will continue to be that person who stands between you and a life of contentment with God...

You know that person; "Malcontent in the Middle."

It's your choice.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

The Deadliest Trap

“My son, pay attention to my wisdom; lend your ear to my understanding, that you may preserve discretion, and your lips may keep knowledge. For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell.” (Proverbs 5:1-5)

The Deadliest Trap

It’s a painful memory for me to write this, but I am prompted by the Holy Spirit to do so.

With the divorce epidemic running rampant, even among those who profess to be followers of Christ, I must share this, in the hope that those who read this, having been forewarned, will not walk into the same deadly trap that I walked into. My adultery 22 years ago almost cost me my marriage. And it is only by the miraculous, saving power of God’s amazing love, grace and forgiveness, that I am still married, and happily so, after almost thirty years, to my loving, wonderful, and forgiving wife.

The Deadliest Trap… it all started out so innocently… or, so it seemed at the time.

I was an assistant manager at a large sporting goods store. The store was part of a chain that was new to town. Some of us in management knew each other from working for the same employer in the past. But most of the employees were just getting to know each other.

Part of my management responsibilities were to do the store payroll, time cards and write the weekly schedule. On a particularly busy week in the spring, a young woman came to me and asked for the weekend off, for an important family reunion that she had just been made aware of by a relative. The problem was, the schedule had already been written, and it had just barely worked out as it was, with the available crew we had to work with. Several other people had already requested this weekend off before this particular young woman had. However, I told her I would take a look at the schedule and “see what I could do.” But I let her know it was going to be next to impossible to rearrange the schedule to fit her last minute request.

After rearranging some things, I was able to make the schedule work and give her the time off she asked for. I let her know, and she was ecstatic.

Being super busy at the store, I forgot all about it.

But after this woman (her name will never again be mentioned) returned from her time off, she stopped by my office one morning and brought me a single white Carnation flower, in a Diet Coke can, filled with some water. She did so to “show her appreciation” and to let me know “how thankful she was for me working out the schedule so she could go to her family reunion.” I smiled and said, “You’re welcome.”

And that was that. Or so I thought.

What she had no way of knowing at the time, was that my wife and I had been having problems in our marriage for quite some time. We couldn’t communicate. We had little to no intimacy. And we were fighting almost constantly. We had been slowly growing apart over the last couple of years, because we were so at odds with each other over practically everything. I couldn’t remember the last time my wife showed me any affection, kindness or appreciation.

And that’s how it all started.

That’s how our Enemy; who only comes to steal, to kill, and destroy, got his foot in the door of my marriage, and almost brought it to ruin.

This Enemy of ours is cunning, sly and sneaky. He has been perfecting his schemes for at least 6,000 years; when he brought division and trouble between the first husband and wife in the Garden of Eden.

After the young woman left my office, I sat there staring at that white Carnation in the Diet Coke can. It stirred up the deep, painful feelings I had of the loneliness and rejection that I felt from the broken relationship I had with my wife. When was the last time my wife ever showed me the kind of affectionate kindness that this young woman had shown me? I couldn’t recall the last time. It stung.

But I was so moved by the kindness of this young woman towards me, for simply re-arranging the schedule so she could go a family reunion. I was starved for some kindness.

Over the next few days, the more I thought about how unhappy I was in my marriage… the more I kept smelling that white Carnation on my desk. It smelled so sweet... so tantalizing.

Over the next several weeks, as I interacted with various store employees as we worked on store projects together, I had times where I worked with this young woman who gave me the white Carnation. The more she and I worked together, we had several opportunities to make small talk. The more we talked, she began asking me questions about me, about my marriage, what I liked to do in my spare, time, etc. It seemed we had so much in common. She was into most of the same things that I was passionate about; mountain biking, photography, writing, going to the Oregon coast, hiking, staying fit, etc. And she was such a good communicator. So easy to talk to. Vivacious and outdoorsy. She seemed like she was everything my wife wasn’t.

One day this woman came into work a couple of minutes late. Her hair was still slightly damp. She apologized for being late. And as she played with her hair, I began to notice how attractive she was. I’d never really noticed before. Never really given her a second look. But that night after I got home from work, I couldn’t stop thinking about how her hair slowly unwound as she played with it and the smell of her shampoo. I couldn’t stop thinking about her… how attractive I thought she was. How much we clicked when we were around each other. I was becoming infatuated with her.

Our conversations soon became much more personal. She asked me many more questions about my wife and about my marriage… and about the problems in my marriage. She became my ‘confidant.’

I eventually stopped talking to my wife altogether. We couldn’t seem to communicate. All we ever did was argue and fight. Why even try anymore? I privately nick-named our house, “The Palace of Malice.”

When I was with this other woman, we continued to talk more and more about what we liked to do. About our hopes and dreams. And we would exclaim how we had so much in common. Somewhere in the back of my troubled mind, I began to think of this other woman as someone who might actually be my true soul mate. My marriage just wasn’t working. Maybe this was the woman I could be happy with?

“Danger Ahead.”

One day, (keeping it a secret from my wife), I asked the other woman if she wanted to go on a bike ride after work. Nothing serious. Just a short ride along the river. We met up not far from my home. After finishing our ride, we went our separate ways. However, a few weeks later, I asked her to go on another secret bike ride. We rode a few miles, and our conversation was getting pretty personal. After stopping to take a water break, even surprising myself, I leaned over to kiss her. She kind of freaked out at first, but wasn’t opposed to it after that. I apologized for being so bold. But she said it was okay.

Adultery is a very slippery slope. Once you begin the slide downward… it’s all but impossible to stop.

The secret bike rides soon turned into secretly meeting after work for a drink. One night after having too many drinks, we were passionately kissing in the parking lot of the bar, while leaning against her car. It was obvious where this relationship was quickly heading.

About this time, my relationship with my wife seemed dead and gone. I was sick and tired of the constant fighting, tired of her constantly criticizing me, tired of not feeling loved or appreciated. So I moved out. I left our home. My mom let me move into her house. And unfortunately, because she loved me so much, and “just wanted me to be happy” she inadvertently enabled me to stay in my sin. She knew that deep down, I still loved my wife, but try as I might it just wasn’t working out.

It looked like divorce # 2 was in my immediate future.

My times spent with the other woman soon became much more intimate. It was amazing how I was trying to justify it to myself, and to God. When I would feel guilty and convicted, I would tell her that I just needed to do the right thing before God. But her mantra was always the same; “Don’t you think God wants you to be happy?” That kept me justifying my sin to myself. I mean, surely God didn’t expect me to stay in a loveless marriage, full of spite, bitterness and resentment!

Eventually I was fully immersed in my sin. I was an adulterer. I had chosen to dive head first into the deep end of the sin pool. And it looked like I was never coming out of that dark place. The other woman and I even discussed marriage and we were shopping for engagement rings. We went on a long trip to the coast and I charged up thousands of dollars of debt on my credit card trying to impress her. Oh, did I mention that I was unemployed at the time? I was completely oblivious to reality… completely devoid of any visible conscience. Living irresponsibly, selfishly, thinking of no one but myself.

It’s amazing how a simple white Carnation in a Diet Coke can, given with flattering words to a wounded man from an attractive harlot, can devolve into full blown adultery and the destruction of a marriage. The Bible says, “The wages of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23). And I was living it.

And in my case, although it didn’t result in my physical death, it certainly resulted in the death of my marriage. Through God’s love and grace, my wife was able to eventually forgive me. But it took ten years. The consequences of my sin of adultery affected many people. It wounded my children. It wounded my wife’s family. It wounded my mom. It resulted in the death of my peace, the death of my joy, and the death of happiness in our marriage for many years to come.

Don't underestimate the toxic fallout that results from adultery.

Over a period spanning most of the 1990's, my wife and I were separated six times; and it was all my fault, as I was the one who left each time. It was my sin, my selfishness and my stupidity that brought pain, heartache, sorrow and loss to my wife, my family, her family, and my life. We entered into two divorce proceedings during that dark decade. Both times, the divorce proceedings went right down to the wire, us fighting bitterly over 'who would get what' in the divorce settlement. It was so hurtful, so destructive. So selfish.

Fortunately, over the ensuing years, God was drawing my wife and I back together, giving us grace to forgive each other, and stay married.

Near the end of my relationship with “the other woman” I came to discover that she took some kind of sick pleasure in taking me away from my wife. Like it was some kind of conquest or female power play.

“Satan can transform himself into an angel of light.” (2 Corinthians 11:14).

He knows what beautiful, seductive carrots to dangle in front of you that will best trip you up, take you down, and take you out.

Sadly… I made the devastating choice to take his deadly bait.

A trap is a trap because it doesn’t look like a trap.

Satan is the “OZ” behind the curtain. He runs the controls of this hellish world system from dark corners, behind the scenes, and underneath the surface, where he cannot be seen.

The deadliest trap can be cunningly disguised as a tall blond, with sweet, flattering words, and a white Carnation in a Diet Coke can.

The deadliest trap can be hidden underneath a handsome man who was a “friend in school”, who has a great job, lots of money, and who sympathetically, “understands what you’re going through.”

Don’t fall for it.

Take it from someone who knows… who has taken the bait and fallen into Satan’s deadliest trap; the wages of sin is death. This is how Satan “innocently” disguises his traps to divide and conquer marriages.

By taking the adulterous bait of the Enemy of your soul, you unwittingly open up the door into the demonic realm. You have given Satan a foothold into your marriage and your life. When we give place to the Devil (See Ephesians 4:27) we make ourselves more vulnerable to every lying scheme Satan has planned to use against us.

Satan can begin to destroy the foundation of your marriage by creating division by getting you to become defensive when your spouse wonders why you seem distant. Or when you get angry when your spouse asks you why you are spending time on the Internet talking to an old high school sweetheart.

Satan is the “accuser of the brethren” and the “father of a lie.” “He only comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy.” “He roams about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” Read your Bible. Know your scheming enemy. The Word says, “We are not ignorant of his devices.” (2 Corinthians 2:11)

Satan is out to take you down and take you out, 24/7, 365 days a year. He never rests. He never sleeps.

Don’t fall for his trap.

When you “join yourself to a harlot” (that applies to any married man or woman in an adulterous affair) they become a part of you, and you them. Spiritually, they can be as deadly and hard to extricate and remove as a cancerous tumor. This is one life application of “The wages of sin is death.” When you, as a married woman or man, make that fateful choice to begin an inappropriate "friendship" with someone who is obviously not your spouse, you place yourself out on the edge of that slippery slope known as Adultery.

You may think you are just having some “harmless conversations” with an old friend or high school sweetheart. But by entering into this first phase of an adulterous affair, you have caused division in your marriage and have opened the door for your old friend to become your ‘Confidant.’

You’ll then stop talking to your husband or wife about your feelings and issues, and will turn to that “other man” or “other woman” for communication, for sympathy, for understanding, for comfort; for companionship.

Watch out.

This is exactly how my adulterous affair began.

And it has started this same way with millions of other people. A seemingly “innocent” or “harmless” friendship. Maybe it is with someone at work. A co-worker. Your boss. Someone “who understands what you’re going through.” Or it could be someone you met up with again on 'f_ce-book' or on the Internet.

Satan’s devices and snares have been carefully crafted to trap the weak. The lonely. The misunderstood. The neglected. Those who feel unloved, or unappreciated.

Those like you, and like me.

When you feel weak, unappreciated and misunderstood, this is the time for you and your spouse to draw near to the Lord together. And by so doing, you will draw closer to each other in the process.

“Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

The strongest marital bond is when husband and wife are bound together with Jesus Christ in a threefold cord. God’s Word says the threefold cord is not quickly or easily broken.

But it’s not unbreakable.

If you choose to walk away from Christ, and push your spouse away, choosing instead to make the “other man” or the “other woman” your new soul mate; you can break the threefold cord.

But take it from me—please hear my story; there will be consequences, and they will be far-reaching.

This is life or death.

“The wages of sin is death.”

Does God Still Answer Prayer? Part 1

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” 

–(Isaiah 55:8-9)

"Just have faith."

We've been taught this and told this hundreds of times, maybe more.

Jesus said: "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." (Mark 11:24)

But, we all have asked God for things in prayer, and we absolutely believed that we would receive them. But it still didn't work.

So, why not? Why didn't we receive what we asked for? I mean, we believed after all. We had "faith." So what went wrong?

Here's the caveat; we have to ask according to God's will.

“Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 John 5:14)

There it is: "According to His will."

In the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing He would soon be crucified, and would take the sin of the whole world on Himself, Jesus prayed: 

“O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39)

"Not my will be done... but Thy will be done."

We should all pray that way.

Great man of faith; the Apostle Paul, asked God three times that a thorn in his flesh, given to him by Satan, would be removed. But God said, "My grace is sufficient for you." Paul asked in faith, but God said 'no' to his prayer, because Paul, to whom God revealed some incredible things, now understood why his prayer request was denied, and said, “Lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations.” (2 Corinthians 12:7). God knew beforehand, why Paul's prayer request was something that would not be good for Paul, if He were to grant that request. Even Paul didn't always know what he should pray for.

And we're no different.

You can ask in Jesus' name all you want, absolutely believing God will give you what you have prayed for. But, no matter how much faith you have, if your request is not according to His will, you will not receive what you asked for. 

What is faith really?  Here is a simple exercise. Every time you see the word "faith" in the Bible, replace it with the word "trust."

2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "For we walk by faith, not by sight."  

By substituting "trust" for "faith" it reads, "For we walk by trust, not by sight."

For me this puts the focus fully on the Lord, who is the only one we can place our trust in. Is my faith in 'my faith'? Or is it in The Lord.  

People can say, "I know I will receive this because of my great faith!"  

"My faith." ...Sometimes, if we're not careful, that can come across as a bit prideful. "I won't be shaken because of my great faith!"

First, your faith is a gift.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

The biblical word "faith" literally means to believe; to trust.

So, when you think of how great your faith is—your ability to trust—remember, it is a gift from God. It is nothing you have in of yourself to boast of.

Second, and just as important, when replacing the word faith with trust, it puts the focus on Who my faith is in. My faith is in God. I have no faith in my faith. I put no trust in my faith. My faith, my trust; is in God alone. Not in my ability to trust. My trust is in the Lord.

Do you see the difference?

Thousands and thousands of faithful, caring people can all be praying together, believing that their collective prayers will be answered according to what they have asked God for. A terminally sick child healed. An imprisoned man set free. A woman's cancer banished from her decimated body. A homeless family desperately in need of provision. And these are beautiful, necessary prayers. These are prayers we absolutely are to pray. "Pray without ceasing."

But what if God's will is to work His plan, and advance His kingdom, in and through these specific times of great trial and adversity in His children?  To teach His people to draw near to Him, and to trust Him in the midst of great suffering and loss?

I'm learning to pray believing, asking God to heal the sick, and set the captives free. But in my prayers, I am to always pray that His good and perfect will be done, not my will be done. 

God said:

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” 

We can't see how He is working in the midst of a child's cancer, or through a man's imprisonment. We don't know the end from the beginning. Only God does. We don't know His thoughts about a situation. We can't understand His ways in why He is allowing something to continue, that we so desperately want Him to put a stop to.

So, the question is; will I choose to trust God to manage my life, no matter how bad things look, when there seems to be no way out?

When you can't possibly see how your situation is going to work out, will you choose to trust God with your life?

It's a choice you have to make.

We are to pray and ask God for the things we need, and for the needs of others—believing He will answer affirmatively to our requests made in faith.

But real "faith" is to come to Him and make our request known, and then leave it at His feet, fully trusting Him with the results—come what may.

Job, a man who had lost everything, including his home and all of his children, but who was also a man who truly had faith in God, said:  

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." (Job 13:15)

About to be thrown into a fiery furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar, three young, devout Hebrew men who truly trusted in the Lord, named Shadrach, Meschach and Abed-nego said: 

“If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.” (Daniel 3:17-18)

There are many hindrances to God giving us what we ask of Him when we pray. There is a lot in the Bible that teaches us what these hindrances are, and I encourage you to search the scriptures and learn what those things are. But due to space here, I will save that for another article, for another time.

The focus that God put on my heart to write here today is, will you choose to fully trust Him with the results of your prayers to Him?

Will you choose to trust Him to manage your life, your trials and your adversity, even though you can't possibly see any way that it can work out?

Remember—only God can make a way when there seems to be no way.

But even if He doesn't give you what you ask from Him when you pray, sometimes His answer of "no" is the best answer. 

We don't know what we should pray for. We ask amiss. We don't understand why God does what He does, or why He allows what He allows. 

God does still answer our prayers. And I believe He has three primary answers:  

"Yes."

 "No."

"Wait."

Father knows best. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts; His ways, higher than our ways.

Trust in Him.

He already demonstrated His incomprehensible love to you and me when He sent His only begotten Son Jesus, to die on a Cross for our sins. "For God so loved the world that He gave..."  (See John 3:16).

Trust in His love for you.

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.

The Friends of God

"Come and have breakfast." —Jesus 

(John 21:12)

Peter and some of his friends had been out fishing all night and had caught nothing.

Imagine the scene. 

Jesus had earlier been crucified, and resurrected—soon to ascend up into the clouds, back to Heaven from where He had come. 

After the emotion of the crucifixion had died down, people had to get on with life.Things were slowly getting back to normal, as much as they could anyway. Many people were disappointed, disillusioned. Jesus didn't 'do' what they had expected the Messiah to do for them.

Nonetheless, the resurrected Jesus did many signs in the presence of His disciples that they would believe that He is the Christ—the Son of God. 

After these things Peter said, "I am going fishing." Some of his friends went with him. And yet, an entire night yielded nothing. What went wrong? These guys were pros. Before they became disciples of Jesus, they were fishermen. But they had left their nets and boats to follow Jesus.

Let's pick up in the story after their night of fishing.

"But when the morning had now come, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, 

“Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” 

When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. 

When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”

So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, one hundred and fifty-three, but even with so many the net was not torn. 

Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” (John 21:4-12)

This story warms my heart. 

Years ago, I used to over-spiritualize and allegorize every detail in this account, even down to what I thought Peter's "outer garment" symbolized, along with the fact that the net was not torn, etc. 

But what I missed was Jesus' deep love and care for His friends, demonstrated in such a simple and practical way. 

First, He made a fire. He would have had to go and gather firewood. Light the fire. And then allow it to burn down to coals suitable for broiling fish. He would also had to have first caught the fish. And He prepared and then served them warm, fresh-baked bread.

Yes, I know. This is the resurrected Lord we're talking about here. He could have simply spoken: "Fire, fish, and bread; appear!" He could have spoken their breakfast into existence just as He spoke the entire creation into existence.

But the point of this part of the story, is these dear friends of His had been out all night, laboring to catch some fish and they caught nothing. They were, no doubt, tired and cold from being out on the lake all night. They also, being professional fishermen, probably felt pretty dejected after catching no fish. (I know I would have felt dejected)

Peter, the man who had earlier rejected Jesus three times, had jumped into the cold water and swam to shore when he saw that the man on the shore was Jesus. He couldn't wait to see his dear friend and Lord again.

And Jesus had a fire already made to warm His friends, and broiled fish and warm, tasty bread prepared for them to eat.

Sure, there is great meaning in God's promise to provide for His people. And yes, Jesus' command to cast their nets on the "right side" of the boat is very symbolic. 

But I believe the real point of this beautiful story is to illustrate Jesus' love and care for His friends.

"Come and have breakfast."

Jesus gave His disciples the command in John 13:34 to, "Love one another as I have loved you."

It's so simple.

It's not 'churchy' at all. 

Sacrificially give of yourself to love and serve other people, with the same kind of sacrificial love that Jesus loved people with.

Think of camping out with some of your closest friends. You have to choose to get up at first light in the cold, damp morning, get the campfire started, and start preparing the food to have a nice breakfast ready for them to eat. When it's ready, you call them; "Come and have breakfast."

That takes some effort, some self-sacrifice.

It takes love.

It's easy to stay in your warm sleeping bag, knowing that someone else will eventually get up and make the fire and have some hot coffee ready.

But Jesus was up before first light. He already had a nice hot fire made, and a tasty breakfast prepared of broiled fish and fresh, hot bread. 

And then He invited His dear friends; 

"Come and have breakfast."

—God is Love and Love Never Fails.