"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own."
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
There are hundreds, perhaps thousands of books available on relationships.
Though I have read a handful of them, and a few have been helpful, there is only one Book that has all the real answers on relationships—the Bible.
And yet, that Book is far too often the least read book on relationships, even by those who profess to believe in it's truths and in it's Author.
It is amazing to me, how many times over the years, that I had tried to find the right books on relationships, and had spent quite a bit of time and money purchasing and reading them—even sincerely trying to put the principles I learned to good use.
But the one thing I noticed more than anything about many of these so-called 'relationship' books, is they are often focused primarily on getting what you want out of the relationship—not giving to the other person what they need.
Most people, in my experience, are searching for the "perfect person" for me. Someone who will fit all of my criteria, and meet all of my needs.
A wise man once said,
"The secret to marriage is not about finding the right person—it's about being the right person."
Sure, you need to find someone with whom you are compatible. Goes without saying.
I love the following quote from the author of "Love & Respect," which perfectly describes what it means to "be the right person" in a marriage:
"Your marriage is not primarily about you and your spouse; it's about you and Jesus Christ. Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord."
Also part of being the right person—is according to the verses quoted above from 1 Corinthians chapter 13—the Love Chapter.
I'm only going to focus on two specific portions of this passage today.
1. "Love suffers long and is kind." - This could also read, "Love is long-suffering in kindness."
Patient, sacrificially enduring, fully committed in love; no-matter-what.
Love means you you don't have to be right all the time. Love means you are willing to take a bullet for your mate—bearing their burdens, lightening their load, taking upon yourself the things that can cause your mate anxiety, worry, stress, pain, discomfort, etc.
One of the saddest aspects of many marriages that are several years old, is people have forgotten how to, or more accurately, are neglecting to be kind to one another.
Men; when you were first courting your wife, you jumped at every opportunity to open doors for her, racing around the car to open her door for her before she could open it herself.
But after several years, many men won't even put down the remote and get off their lazy butt and carry in the groceries. Or, she's out raking the leaves that you should be raking, while you're inside watching the 49'ers on TV.
Guys—is chivalry dead?
2. "Love does not seek its own." - In other words, love is not self-seeking.
Someone very dear to me was in a relationship a few years ago and the guy had a very rigid criteria that she needed to meet, to qualify as being worthy of becoming his wife someday. Needless to say, he broke her heart and bailed from the relationship after he found someone who more closely fit his selfish little shopping list.
The guy had absolutely no clue of what it means to be the right person. He was only concerned with finding the "perfect person" to meet all of his needs. Totally self-seeking. He was a "me-monster." The guy is a narcissist. And there are a lot of them out there, sad to say.
However, above all of these things, the most important thing in being the right person, is, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
And if you say "yes", do you love Him? - Not just in what you speak, but in your daily actions?
Jesus said, "If a man loves Me, he will keep My commandments."
True Love, demonstrated in obedient action, is the God-kind-of-love.
Talk is cheap.
Jesus gave us the purest, perfect example of Love:
"There is no greater love than this—that a man would lay down his life for his friends."
The God-kind-of-love is selfless and sacrificial. Never self-seeking.
This simple little diagram perfectly illustrates two people who are both being the right person...
Both people are seeking God first—growing closer to Him.
And as they grow closer to Him, they grow closer to each other in the process.
This does not apply only to married couples. It applies to two people who are dating, or even thinking about dating.
And if you are truly seeking God first, in every aspect of your life, you will eventually meet that right person for you, because they too are seeking God first—not trying to find the right person for themselves.
Jesus said:
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind."
And if you are not passionately seeking God first, greatly desiring to love Him with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength—you are not being the right person for anyone.
If, like I did, you spend a lot of time reading books on relationships, but have spent very little time reading The Book on a personal relationship with Jesus—please, do yourself a favor and put away your books.
"Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind." (Ecclesiastes 12:13)
Seek Jesus first, and love Him with all that you are, and in so doing, He will make you into the right person for someone who is seeking Him and loving Him in the same way.
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own."
Just Love Jesus first.
—The rest will follow.
—God is Love, and Love Never Fails.
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