"If you don't have something good to say about someone, don't say anything at all."
My mom and dad used to say this to us a lot when we were kids, though, my dad said it much more sternly, as in: "If you don't have anything good to say, then keep your mouth shut!"
For as much as I used to hear this as a kid, I must have really needed to hear it.
Still do sometimes, sad to say.
What is it about our human nature that makes it so easy, so desirable, to talk trash about another person?
I don't want to be that man anymore.
The writer of the book of Hebrews said it this way:
"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled..." (Heb 12:14-16)
When we barf out our bitterness and criticize or trash talk another person, all those around us, with whom we felt it absolutely necessary to tell and "confide in", become defiled by the puke that spews out of our mouths.
From the bitter criticism and complaining that pours out of our mouth—many are defiled. The word defiled literally means: "To sully or taint, that is, contaminate; (ceremonially or morally)." It's like verbally vomiting on someone.
Where does such disgusting, contaminating bitterness originate?
Jesus said:
"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45-46)
There it is.
Whenever I allow myself to become critical of someone else, and that bitter, critical spirit gets down into my heart, my human nature has this sick need to want to "share my feelings" about that person with others. It's like, we need to make our friends 'partners' in our critical disapproval of the other person.
Misery loves company.
It's awful. And it defiles—it contaminates—all those with whom we feel that we must "share our feelings."
And, have you ever noticed when someone you're with feels the need to spew out their criticism of someone else to you, just how easy it is to get caught up in the same kind of bitter talk? It's uncanny. Why on earth do we do this?
The Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue. The apostle James refers to this fiery little member in our mouths as the Untameable Tongue.
"For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a complete man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." (James 3:2-8)
Very strong language. But spot-on.
Jesus taught that it's what comes out of a man's mouth that defiles him—not by what we eat or drink. And what comes out of my mouth springs forth from the abundance of what's in my heart. We're known by our fruit.
So, what's been coming out of your mouth lately about others? Cursing? Or blessing?
Prior to becoming king himself, David refused to harm or condemn the reigning king, Saul, because, even though Saul's deeds were evil, he was still God's anointed king:
"Look, this day your eyes have seen that the LORD delivered you today into my hand in the cave, and someone urged me to kill you. But my eye spared you, and I said, ‘I will not stretch out my hand against my lord, for he is the LORD’s anointed." (1 Samuel 24:10)
Members of Moses' own family spoke against him, criticizing his God-appointed leadership. God rebuked Aaron and Miriam for this, even causing Miriam to have Leprosy:
"The LORD said, "I speak with him face to face, even plainly, and not in dark sayings; and he sees the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moses? So the anger of the LORD was aroused against them, and He departed. And when the cloud departed from above the tabernacle, suddenly Miriam became leprous, as white as snow. Then Aaron turned toward Miriam, and there she was, a leper.” (Numbers 12:8)
When we speak against, criticize, and voice our displeasure or disappointment with someone in leadership whom God has raised up, we're essentially criticizing God, and His authority. Those who do this will not be held guiltless.
Finally, speaking words of bitterness against someone else to others, thereby causing them to become defiled, is not demonstrating love. Quite the opposite. When we do anything that would knowingly cause a brother or sister to stumble, to be made weak, or to be offended, it is entirely selfish.
The apostle Paul wrote:
"It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles, or is offended, or is made weak." (Romans 14:21)
Not trying to take any of the responsibility off of myself—but over the years, several people that I am close to have stumbled me greatly at times by sharing their 'feelings' with with me regarding the troubles or difficulties they have had working for a very demanding employer they served. I should have stopped them and told them that I could not bear to hear what they were telling me about their leader, and that they should instead speak blessing over him, and pray for the man, and not speak against the Lord's anointed. But, to my shame, I went right along with it, and commiserated with them, essentially approving of what they were saying by my silence—by not stopping and admonishing them.
Again, this is to my shame.
The most damaging aspect of this is that when we speak harshly against someone else—and by our bitterness many others become defiled—those seeds of bitterness get planted in others like a cancer, and it spreads to others; thereby defiling many in the whole sick process.
This is greatly to my shame, in that, when my friends shared their feelings (and bitterness) with me regarding what they felt was mistreatment from their leader, not only was I defiled, but then I exercised this sick need I had to go tell many others about the wrongs 'unjustly' committed against my friends by this "unfair" leader. I was spreading the cancer. I was perpetuating the problem. And by my sin, many others were defiled. And it only continued to spread.
This cancerous, defiling sin can ruin an entire community of people. It's divisive. It's sick. It's a cancer.
It kills.
I owe a huge apology to the many people I have defiled by the root of bitterness that I had—by which, I opened my big mouth and vomited all my bitterness onto you. I am sorry. I stumbled, contaminated and defiled you. Please forgive me.
And to my friends who stumbled and defiled me by sharing their bitter or disappointed feelings with me about your leader—I forgive you. But I also want to encourage you to take this before God, confess it, and repent of it, and desire to be changed—to be different. To not want to be 'that man' any more.
And may God forgive me for speaking bitterness against all the other people, and against those in leadeship, that I have spoken against and criticized.
Last night as I lay in bed, unable to sleep, the full weight of just how much I have sinned in this area hit me like a freight train. And of all the many people I have defiled and contaminated in this way, by the critical bitterness that came from within my hard heart, and spewed out through my big mouth. But I brought it before the Lord and asked Him to change my heart, and clean my heart, from the inside out.
I don't want to be that bitter, defiling man any more.
Fortunately, God's promise to us from 1 John 1:8-9 is:
"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Thank You Lord Jesus, for Your love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.
—God is Love, and Love Never Fails.
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